For My Nieces And Nephews...

I have always felt that my nieces and nephews are the greatest thing and that I couldn't ever imagine loving anyone more than them. Well, then I had kids and realized a mother could never love anyone more than her own children.  The fact of the matter is that I still almost consider my nieces and nephews to be my children and I think about them daily and worry about them and their futures.  I genuinely care about each one equally and love them more than I could ever express.  I have felt impressed to write down all the things that I NEED them to know as they grow up.  I might not always be close, I might not always be near, but I am ALWAYS their aunt and because of that I will always care very much about them. The best part is....I am an aunt! I'm not mom to them.  I can be a friend, I can be a support, I can be the help they need without fear of judgement.  That is truly the best thing ever.

Dear Nieces and Nephews....

I know that there are many of you, but I am writing this letter to YOU. I love you so very much and I need you to know that.  I need you to know that there is nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you.  No matter what kind of situation you find yourself in you are always able to come to me and I honestly hope you do.  It doesn't matter if choices you made put you in the situation or if you just stumbled in unaware.  I am here to help.  I am a support.  I am a friend who loves you unconditionally, who won't judge you, who won't gossip about you and who will help guide you in a way to where you can overcome anything.  I have made many bad choices in my life.  From wanting to have the newest style to being a pregnant teenager.  I know how lonely it can feel.  I will expand on both of these points, but know that I have experience in many other areas as well.  (Unfortunately)  I don't share to boast or to make you feel that my experiences give you a "free pass" to make terrible choices.  I share to help you see that I am human.  I share to help you see that I have made mistakes.  I am not proud of the things I have done in my life but I know that through my experiences I can understand anything you are dealing with.

  First I will talk about wanting the newest style.  Now you may be wondering why that is bad?  Well, it isn't exactly a bad thing but it definitely doesn't lead to happiness.  All I wanted during 8th grade was a pair of Skechers boots.  It might seem silly, but to me it meant everything.  I wanted these boots so bad! It seemed as though everyone who was "cool" or "popular" had these boots.  I was neither cool nor popular, but I knew that if I had those boots I would be just a little happier than I was.  I thought about it daily.  The boots haunted me.  I saw them on many kids and some even had more than one pair so they had different colors.  Well, in 9th grade I bought myself the boots.  I was so proud to have purchased them on my own.  Do you know what? It wasn't all I thought it would be.   They weren't super comfortable and they were a bit heavy.  I had dreamed about these boots for a year, I finally had them and I didn't even like them.  Moral of the story?  You be YOU. Wear what you want to wear.  Wear it because it's comfortable or because its what makes YOU feel good.  Don't wear anything just because others are.  I spent so much time yearning for those boots that I could have spent actually being happy, socializing, etc. Its silly to look back on now as I am older.  I know there will be something you want like my boots.  It may be a phone, it may be the newest apple product (iphone/ipod), it may even be that you feel you need a boyfriend or girlfriend because your friends all have one.  If the reason you want anything is because your friends all have one.....that is your first clue that it isn't something you want.  Deep down you don't even want it.  Be yourself, you are beautiful the way you are! Don't waste your time pretending to be someone who you aren't.  It is so exhausting.  It has to be! I have always been true to who I am but I know people who haven't.  They adjust their personality, their likes/dislikes, and even the amount of respect they have for themselves and others depending on whom is around.  Don't.  Just don't. Eventually the truth comes out.  Eventually you will slip up and be yourself.  Eventually you will be tired of pretending.  Eventually you will want someone to like you for you.  It is far easier to just be you from the beginning.  This won't always be easy. Trust me. You will lose friends. Neighbors may label you. You may feel so very alone. Just know that you aren't ever alone....you have me! 

Second I want to talk about being a pregnant teenager.   This is not something I ever want for anyone.  It's true, I made choices that led me to a pregnancy.  I was one of the lucky ones though.  I was in a committed relationship with someone who respected me and loved me, and I loved him.  Despite loving each other, and I mean actually loving each other not a lustful crush, we were so nervous.  We had to figure out how to break the news to our families.  We knew that they would be disappointed and we didn't know where to start.  We had a dr appointment, that part was easy.  Telling people the news was beyond difficult.  I felt alone.  I felt that I would lose the respect of those I loved most. I felt like my family would be mad at me. I didn't know where to go and I didn't have anyone to turn to.  I was so scared. In the end we mustered up the courage to tell our families. Some took it better than others, but guess what...they all still loved us.  Moral of the story? First, don't have unprotected sex. Secondly, its a great idea to wait until you are married before having sex.  Lastly, if you find yourself feeling lost and alone PLEASE come to me.  PLEASE! I can not stress this enough.  I wish I had someone whom I knew would not be disappointed in me during some of my harder times.  I wish I had someone who I knew without a doubt would love me unconditionally. I knew people who *might* or who I was *pretty sure* would, but I wasn't sure. Please know you have me.

When you find yourself feeling lonely for whatever reason, come to me.  Come talk to me.  It might seem silly, but I hope and pray that you can confide in me.  I won't rush to your parents to tattle on you.  I won't reprimand you.  I will simply love you. I will give you advice and try to guide you to the right direction.  All I want for you is for you to be happy.  I will do anything to ensure that.  Does it mean I think its ok for you to make poor choices? NO! It for sure doesn't.  I just know that most everyone I know has made at least one bad choice in their life. What a relief it should be to know you have somewhere to go.  Does this mean I won't ever tell your parents whats going on? NO! There may be times that I encourage you to tell your parents.  I most likely will offer to be there to help you, but there are occasionally things bigger than me and we will need love, help and support from everyone.  (Although I will never tell anyone without warning you first)

Is there anything that can shock me? Absolutely not. I have made many bad choices, my friends and loved ones have also made many poor choices.  Between us there has been: lying, stealing, drinking, pornography, drugs, smoking, sex, pregnancy, jail time, car accidents, self harm, eating disorders, and many others.  You aren't alone.  You most likely can't get through life without help and support and I need you to know that I am here.  I think you are wonderful.  I think you are amazing. I think you are talented. I think you are kind. I think you are worthwhile. I think you deserve to be proud of yourself. I think you deserve respect from others and from yourself. I think you are so important to our family and I will always love you...NO MATTER WHAT....and I hope you know that you can trust me and count on me when you aren't sure where to go.  I love you so very much!

Leanne