It's been a week since our little family found out that Kadence would be having two surgeries. The one week seems like it was a few months. A lot has happened. We processed the information first. We had to break the news and explain it to the girls. We then had to strengthen ourselves so that we could tell family. We got even stronger and told everyone. (Except for anyone in our church and I don't know that we will for a long time) It's strange to me that we needed to strengthen ourselves in order to tell others, but it was so important. I worry far too much about people so when their worried, I worry. When they feel bad, I feel bad. I couldn't tell someone bad news and not be able to add their concern and worry on top of my already overwhelmed mind. David and I both became OK far sooner than I thought we would. We received many offers of help and questions of how to best help. I HATE getting help from people. I seriously stress so much about the person giving service to me. I worry that they needed money for something else, that they are already too busy to give time to me, that they have their own problems and shouldn't be worrying about mine, that I should be lightening their load not piling on it....oh the list goes on and on. I really really REALLY struggle with getting help. I had made a list of things to do and one of the things was to "humble myself and allow people to help me." I figured that would be something I did a few days before surgery, but again it happened faster than I thought. I made a list of things that could brighten Kadences day and make it easier as well as a list for the family and posted it on Facebook. Every single day I have wanted to delete the post because I feel like I'm asking for a handout of some kind. The truth is that I don't expect anything from anyone and would be completely fine if nobody did anything for us. I just really have been working towards being less stubborn when I could use some support. Having said how much I hate getting help I really do appreciate every offer, every prayer and every kind thought sent my way. I think I appreciate it more than most and then I stress about not being able to show my gratitude. I am so thankful for family and friends and for how supportive and kind they are to my family. I even have a friend who is an independent consultant for Perfectly Posh and is donating all profits from now until the end of the year to us. WOW. I just don't feel deserving of this at all. There are so many who need the money more than my family. I was completely overwhelmed by her generous heart. She is giving money from her household income to MY family. How do you thank someone for that. Even if we get $5 I am just amazed. We have had a call from Ronald McDonald house and have set up our housing arrangements there. It's only $15 per night which is so much cheaper than anything else we could find. We stayed there for a few nights before and I am again amazed at the volunteers and the facility itself. We have moved Kadences surgeries from May 19th and June 16th to April 10th and May 1st. This decision was made after Kadence had a breakdown. I just can't imagine her fears. It has to be absolutely terrifying especially when your parents can't tell you that it isn't scary or that it won't hurt. We would have moved it sooner, but we will be in Boston from March 28th- April 7th. We'll then be home for two days and go to Salt Lake for 5 weeks. I don't think we'll even recognize our home by the time we get home in May! Because we moved it up, we will have a more complicated Spring semester at school but it is so worth it if we can cut a month off of her worry. We have had our school districts nurse contact us and has already told us what we need in order to get a 504 in place for Kadence for the end of her 2nd grade year and for 3rd grade. We also have talked to the girls teachers regarding them missing so much school. Shelbys teacher has absolutely no concern and will send us with some work we can do with her. Kadence's teacher has contacted the nurse who has already talked with our care coordinator over at Shriners. They have worked out a plan for a Salt Lake District teacher to come and teach Kadence for a few hours twice a week. (Its called home and hospital) We have seen what a huge bond our girls have. I have always known they were close, but Shelby is such a strength to her sister. She has said multiple times "I don't want to leave Kadence when she's in the hospital" and "I don't need to go anywhere, I will just sit with Kadence." She also came up with an idea for a present that she really wants to buy her sister to help her feel better after surgery. Its a toy dog that is from an app they play called Palace Pets. She has wanted one just as bad as Kadence. She told me one night "I just really hope that I can get Kadence a Palace Pet because I know she wants one really bad". For a five year old not to ask if she can get one too and be so unselfish is truly amazing. We have worked with their dance studio to allow her to still dance right up until Boston. She will then go back in the Fall and be the class helper since she will be unable to dance.
In one week I have learned that crying gives you a headache, but you don't get a headache from being positive. I have learned how much people care about my little family. I have learned how great the girls school and teachers are. I have learned how generous and willing to help people can be. I have learned how to allow people to help....although it is still beyond hard for me and I think I might have a stubborn relapse at some point. I have learned that David is my everything and I can't imagine going through any of this without him. He is my rock and my shoulder to cry on. I have learned that I can feel I'm totally fine and seconds later find myself crying. I learned that Kadence and Shelby are the most loving people I have ever met and they will always have a strong and special bond. I have learned how truly blessed we are to be surrounded by such amazing people, doctors and facilities.
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