Something that David and I hear often is that we are a "great team". We hear it from random people, but also from people who we admire a great deal. I never really know how to respond to that because it seems like just an observation, not exactly a compliment. Other times it comes in the form of a compliment. I just simply say thank you and try to change the subject. It's just weird to me that a marriage would be anything but two people who are on the same team. To me it should be standard. I am extremely flattered by it. We have people who tell us that we just work so well together. Others who say it is rare to have such great teamwork. Some who point out that they can tell we both give it our all and some that tell us their compliments shouldn't be taken lightly. It happens a lot when we are together and especially anytime we are dealing with Kadence. We have had doctors who have said they don't get parents who work well together. I understand having extra medical needs can be stressful and I definitely understand that our "extra" is so much less than others. We have it easy. (Not that I will deny things can get really hard)
I love hearing that we are a great couple, great parents and great teammates. It all boils down to one thing, we genuinely love each other. We love making each other happy. We love showing our love. We love being the rock when the other is struggling. I have never once needed my husband and not had him right by my side supporting me, cheering me on or cheering me up. I hope that he feels the same. Now it would be easy to have a great happy marriage if things went perfectly all the time, but our relationship hasn't ever been perfect. I think that is why we are so close. We have had some experiences that I wouldn't wish for anyone. We have had many struggles. When life happens, we cling to one another. In the good we rejoice and in the bad we console. We go to each other before anyone else. Nobody can calm me quite like David can. All he has to do is put his hand on my knee and I know things will be ok. We know that nobody can ever understand us fully except each other. Nobody can comprehend our worries, our heartaches and our fears the same way. I sometimes have these random meltdowns over certain things in my life that were hard. He understands me and knows exactly what I need because he was there experiencing much of it with me.
I think back to when David proposed. I almost told him no. I thought he was proposing because I was pregnant. I know we had plans to get married "one day", but I knew that it wasn't right then. I really didn't want him to marry me for the wrong reasons. I didn't want him to be stuck with me because I was pregnant. Sure we would always have a connection, but I think marriage is a pretty big deal so it shouldn't be rushed into. We had dated for two and a half years which to most is a long time but outside of Utah isn't long at all. :) I kept telling him that he was only marrying me because I was pregnant and he said, "You getting pregnant was just Gods way of making me get off my ass and marry you." It made me laugh and I'm glad he wanted to marry me for more than just being pregnant. When I miscarried I think some thought we would call the wedding off or at least postpone it. Nope! Getting married is what we both ultimately wanted and the pregnancy didn't really have anything to do with the decision. Although going through something difficult together showed us how much we needed one another. We were young and fairly inexperienced at life and I don't know how many took our relationship seriously. I still wonder what was said of our marriage plans when we weren't within ear shot actually. We were married and despite anybody's expectations we still are happily married and it's been almost 9 years.
I would have to agree with the opinions of others, we ARE a pretty great team. We attack each problem head on and remind each other to keep a positive attitude throughout. It isn't always easy. In fact it can be down right miserable at times. Then I look to my partner and I realize that I can do hard things. It's like when the whole team is feeling defeated and then someone comes up to bat and hits a home run. Ok.....I shouldn't really try to make a baseball analogy because I don't understand baseball at all. Ha!
David and I have a few songs that we love and a few phrases in those songs that have rang true and mean a lot for us. "Don't you worry even if things end up a bit too heavy we'll all float on alright." from Float On by Modest Mouse. David actually made me a wall hanging with this phrase on it as a surprise wedding present. It's something I cherish. This song can make me feel better in almost an instant. From Flaws by Bastille, "All of your flaws and all of my flaws they lie there hand in hand. Ones we've inherited, ones that we learned they pass from man to man." and "All of your flaws and all of my flaws when they have been exhumed. We'll see that we need them to be who we are, without them we'd be doomed." This song speaks to us because we are ALL flawed. Nobody is perfect. We need our flaws because they make us who we are. I accepted Davids flaws and he accepted mine. We accept each other and have an unconditional love for each other. There are other songs, but you get the picture.
I'm not meaning this post to be sappy or vomit inducing. I'm not meaning it to be preachy or to flaunt our mostly perfect relationship into peoples faces. What I am wanting to do is to ask everyone who reads this to become a better teammate. It is something I strive to be each day. A long time ago I learned (from Dr Phil) that instead of waking up each day and thinking of all the ways your spouse could make you happy, you need to ask yourself how you can make your spouse happy. If you are putting forth the effort daily, with no expectation of it being reciprocated I promise it will improve your relationship. We need more "Great Teams" out there to help show our next generation how to have healthy relationships. I pray everyday that someone is raising my son in laws to respect their future wives and always treat them kindly. I am so incredibly grateful that David is setting a good example for my girls so they can know how a man should treat them. He's setting the expectation pretty high and I am perfectly ok with that. I want my girls to marry someone at least half as fabulous as David is. (Cue barfing!)
**I also should add that I know that some relationships aren't savable. Divorce is something that needs to happen sometimes. I don't judge those who divorce or separate. I don't think that I am better than them. I really don't. I know that sometimes it just isn't meant to be. Sometimes people grow apart, sometimes only one person is putting forth effort, sometimes people realize they aren't happy and aren't who they want to be and sometimes people are so hurt by their spouse that they can't imagine living let alone living together. I hope and pray that I am never in that situation but I also know that not many get married thinking they will one day be divorced. It can happen to anyone.**
