So I have had two breast masses (one in each breast) that I have been stressed about. I've had them both biopsied, at different times, but years ago. It seemed like one of them had grown drastically so after I got over the denial I went in to see a surgeon. He immediately sent me to get an ultrasound which revealed they had changed. It wasn't much of a change, but because they changed he said it would be a good idea if we removed them. That way we wouldn't have to worry about them and we could avoid a lot of follow up. It made sense but I was horrified! I haven't gone under anesthesia since I was 9 years old. I felt very confident in my surgeon which was great though. I asked if I could be awake for it and he said, "Oh my friend, you do not want to be awake." Darn! Well David and I talked and we decided surgery was the best option....even though I'd be put under anesthesia. The surgery itself doesn't bother me, its being asleep. I don't like not being aware and in control. It's possibly the control freak in me. I also don't like that one of the common reactions to anesthesia is vomiting. I have a full on phobia of vomit. Nobody likes it, but its pretty darn extreme for me. The other complication to all of this is I had to act like I was totally fine with it all while talking in front of the girls. I truly feel that children look to their parents for how to handle different situations. If they see me scared about surgery, they will be scared for surgery in the future. Considering Kadence will be having surgery in a few months I figured that would be a bad plan. We sat them down and told them I'd be having surgery to which Shelby said "YES! I love surgery!" I then explained I would be coming home that day and I could see that she was let down. (My girls just think it's all one big adventure luckily) We scheduled surgery for November 21st. I did ok with keeping myself busy while we waited. The day before though I really started to panic. I told the girls that I was getting a little nervous. They were so confused because being nervous for surgery is just ridiculous! I wanted them to know that it's a normal emotion and that you can acknowledge it and then just deal with it. We got the time for arrival and it was 7:15. This is possibly the worst time for our family. There's no way to get the girls to school without me being left alone. We finally decided that we would bring them to the hospital and when I went back for surgery, David would take them to school. It meant they'd miss about an hour but it was better than nothing and the time ended up working out great in the end. The girls dance teacher, Miss Jane, was also having surgery the same day to get her tonsils removed. The night before we took a picture to text to her. We also asked Brother Gibson to come help David give me a Priesthood blessing.
The girls weren't phased by my boobs being poked and prodded and exposed over and over. They just sat quietly and played with their ipads. They were asked three times if they were twins in the hour or so they were there.
For some odd reason it took a long time to get an IV for me. After going through one vein, not being able to get another in a different arm and changing nurses halfway through....they got a good IV in.
We talked with the surgeon and the anesthesiologist and were feeling pretty confident. As I talked to the anesthesiologist I mentioned my fear of vomit and my desire to stay awake. He said that he could just sedate me slightly but that I would be in a groggy, half awake state. He said I'd probably hear them and might even open my eyes a little. After thinking for a minute I realized I'd completely panic. I needed to be fully awake or all the way asleep. I then told him to start small because a little of any medication goes a long way with me. He agreed and actually listened. I guess he gave me next to nothing and I was OUT! When he told the nurse how much he gave me she was shocked. It took me a while to wake up and I guess they shook me and were yelling my name. He told David "She wasn't kidding, she's a real lightweight!" The surgery was scheduled to be 2 hours but it actually ended up being about 50 minutes. David had just gotten back to the hospital when they brought me back to my room. From then I was sent home in about an hour.
I absolutely hate having David wait on me. He does a fabulous job but I don't like making him take care of the kids, the house and a whiney wife. He's so great and knows that I need the house to stay clean or it will drive me crazy, I'm picky about what sounds good to eat, I wanted a specific ice pack, etc. I had a little break down and it wasn't because of pain, it was because I don't like not being able to take care of everything myself. I get so overwhelmed by not being able to do much. I had to sleep on my back which I hate so I haven't slept much this past week. Hopefully I'll be sleeping on my side or back again soon! I had to ice my boobs for 4 full days as continuously as I could. What doctor makes a lady do that in the winter?! I did ok as far as pain and just stuck to ibuprofen. (I also hate narcotics with a passion) Showering was a real trick because I wasn't moving real well but I had to because I scheduled a gynecologist appointment for 3 days post op.....I had that appointment scheduled months ago and didn't want to try to reschedule it. It was an adventure for sure!
After 4 days I went in and Dr Harker removed my bandages which was great because the tape was itchy. He said it's all healing very well and I should be able to remove the steri strips in a week. The biopsy was back and the masses were benign which was great news although some of it was a little less perfect and it implied that I have twice the chance of the average woman to develop breast cancer. (I'm not sure how they even get those numbers) I just need to keep doing monthly self breast checks and going to the gynecologist regularly. When the time comes I'll need to be diligent in getting mammograms. I've already had one and they don't seem as bad to me as everyone says so it shouldn't be a big deal. All in all things went amazing! I'm so very blessed to have a Priesthood holder in the home, two girls who are so kind and caring and make their mom cards and are just the sweetest, great doctors and nurses and the best husband in the whole world!
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