Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I LOVE airheads. They are so delicious. I have loved them since I was little and I just recently started eating them again. I like watermelon best and when I was pregnant I used to send David off to look for watermelon airheads. YUM!

I CONFESS...My hair drives me absolutely crazy. I can't stand leaving it down and usually I can't even make it through a whole day before I put my hair up into a pony tail. I don't know what it is. I hate that it gets staticky and sticks to my face. I hate that it gets tangled and gross fast. I just simply hate leaving my hair down.....but it looks much better down than in a pony tail so I do leave it down occasionally.

I CONFESS...I am really nervous to fly on an airplane on Sunday. I don't know what it is about flying that makes me anxious either. I feel flying is safe, and usually things go as planned. I just think I feel more in control on the ground in a car. I haven't been on a plane since I was 8 and so I think I'm a little hesitant because I don't remember flying. (All I really remember is watching Casper on the plane) Luckily we are only going to Las Vegas so we won't be in the plane too long. The girls are really excited so I hope their excitement rubs off on me. What I am excited about is not having to drive all the way to Vegas. I hate long car rides!

I CONFESS...I am really really excited for my college class that starts at the end of June. I am taking a photography class. I am excited to learn how to actually use my dream camera I got for Christmas and how to edit pictures. I don' t know that I will ever take pictures for money, because I enjoy doing it as a hobby. I'm afraid that if I do it for money it will no longer be something I love doing. Either way I will take my families pictures and get to learn and explore all the features of my camera and have fun editing them.

I CONFESS...I am SO angry at Ogden City Schools. I can't stand that they feel they have the right to treat teachers the way they do. I complain mostly about the fact that the teachers have gone without their "step increases" for 2 years in a row. "Steps" are their yearly raise they get because each year they are more experienced. David is a 4th year teacher getting paid as a 2nd year teacher and it makes me mad. I get that the economy has forced the state to take cuts in many different areas, and that doesn't exactly make me angry. It sucks, but what do ya do? What really gets me fired up is that every other district was able to give a $2000 bonus to their teachers in lieu of this years step. The other districts received this bonus months ago. Ogden Schools just decided they would give a $900 bonus to their teachers...in June. Ogden is the only district that went the ENTIRE school year without a contract. That is a really big deal. They still don't have a contract and are fighting to come to a compromise so they can have a contract for next year. Another thing that makes me mad is that the administrators are still increasing in pay and just recently got new Ipad 2's. The UEA actually hired an independent, unbiased company called "fact finding" to go in and take a look at the districts funds to see if the teachers were wanting money that simply was not available. NOPE! The fact finding company said there is no reason why the teachers can't be given their appropriate steps. If David were to leave the district and get hired...even in the same district....he would be put back on his steps, yet the district refuses to do it. So frustrating!!!

Pink Pink Pink!

Kadence has been telling me just about every idea she has had for her birthday party theme since December. Since her birthday isn't until July I just would tell her that the ideas sounded fun. It has now come time to let her pick a theme. I went through the list she has come up with: Hello Kitty, Strawberry Shortcake, Toy Story, Unicorns, Pony, etc. I even added Rapunzel and Pinkalicious. When it came down to it, she decided on Pinkalicious. It is one of her favorite books and well, she also loves pink. (I'm not a huge fan of pink) I started brainstorming and we have gone shopping a few times to get "pink things." We have different colored pink utensils, pink plates, pink napkins, pink cups, pink tablecloths, pinkalicious cups, pinkalicious napkins, and pinkalicious tablecloth. We have pink candies, pink sprinkles, pink cake and cake that I will dye pink. I just ordered different pink patterned cupcake liners for her cupcakes too. I ordered the hardcover Pinkalicious book since we only had the paperback that came in her book order. I am then going to display it on the table and cut up the paperback book and frame a few pages as table decorations. The only thing I have really struggled with are the party favors. Goodie bags are my FAVORITE little hobby. I LOVE putting them together and love watching the kids excitement when they open or receive them. I didn't want to hand out pinkalicious party bags to all of the attending children because she has cousins and friends who are boys that will be attending. I also didn't want to go through the effort and cost to do a boy alternative when it's HER party and she wants pink! I decided that I will set out the different pink party favors and have pink bags that all the kids can collect which favors they want. If the boys don't want pink things, they don't have to take anything. We will have pink bubbles, pink wands, pink balloons, pink candy bracelets, pink pencils that say "Happy Birthday Kadence", and the assorted pink candy. I'm also going to have a little craft station where the kids can make pink bracelets with the little plastic beads if they decide to. All in all we are going to be absolutely pinked out and Kadence is going to absolutely LOVE it!

From The Mouth of Kadence...

Kadence is such a crack up, and says some of the most hilarious things. I can't ever remember them so I figured I better write this one down. The other day when I needed to drive David up to the hospital Davids mom and brother came over to watch the girls. David's mom is blind and hasn't ever been able to really picture in her mind what all the Disney characters look like. We have almost every set of the plastic Disney playsets and so his mom decided to feel them to see what the characters were like. She was looking at Jasmine, who happens to be Kadence's favorite right now, and said "Does she have pants?" Kadence said "Ya she has pants, but she doesn't have a shirt. Her belly shows so it's not a shirt, but she has a boob thing to cover her boobies." Man that girl sure can make me laugh at the end of a bad day!

Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I am afraid of germs. Some places are worse than others. For example I will let my kids play on public toys, but once we get to the car I sanitize their hands. I prefer to sanitize their hands before they eat anything...unless we are home. I know that germs are good for them and actually help them get sick less often by building their immune system but I can't help it. I guess that as long as it is only sanitizing a few times a day it's just good hygiene, right? At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself anyways.

I CONFESS...I watch a lot of reality TV. I don't even really care half the time about it, but once I watch one episode I'm hooked until the season ends. I try to avoid watching ANY Bachelor and Big Brother because I get SO into it and it bugs me that I even care. I have even roped David into watching Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant with me. Ha Ha!

I CONFESS...I have some of the best kids in the world. They drive me insane and I get to where I just want to have 10 minutes BY MYSELF but when I get away I just miss them like crazy. I hate being away from them and no matter who has my kids I always worry how things are going. The other great thing is that if David or I don't feel well they seem to completely understand and don't really bother us much. They play nicer, whine less, and just are really really good. I am so blessed to have kids that are so amazing!

I CONFESS...I absolutely HATE having David in the hospital. I thought having him leave to San Diego was going to be bad but at least I would know he was comfortable and be able to call him up for anything while he's gone. I hate having a kid in the hospital, but a husband seems worse in a way. I never want to see my children in pain or sick enough to need a hospital, but when they are in I know I can always lean on David. When David is in the hospital I can't lean on my kids so its just really hard. I had a little break down last night because I didn't want to leave my sick husband, but I wanted to be with my girls. Since I can't be at two places at once I had to choose. That was a terrible feeling! I feel I made the right decision because I was able to keep the night time routine with them and do scriptures, prayer, story, a song and tuck them in bed. I also was able to talk with them about their daddy and answer their questions. Kadence got a little upset about her dad having to be gone, but when I told her that we would get him flowers and bring them to him she was able to calm down and go right to sleep. I'm hoping that David gets better quick and doesn't EVER have another hospital visit again!

I CONFESS...I have amazing friends and family. Since this hospital fun all began on Thursday I have been overwhelmed with the amount of people who are willing to help. I had a friend who literally had surgery Thursday bring us over some yummy dessert and a prize for the girls from her recent trip to Disneyland. How amazing, thanks Andrea!! I also had a pregnant neighbor who is having a hard time keeping her baby from coming early bring me dinner. Thank you Jessica!! Beyond that I have had amazing in laws who have been so willing to take care of my girls while I am with David. I haven't had to worry once about what to do with them and it is incredibly nice. I have possibly the best brother in law EVER who puts so much effort into making sure the girls are ready for bed, in their PJ's and calmed down (That alone is a big task) so that they are ready when I get home. He then goes home and sleeps for a few hours and comes back to the house so I can get to the hospital before the Dr does rounds. I have had many neighbors, friends and family who have been so willing to help and it means more to me than I could ever express. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life and feel your overwhelming love and support for my family. Thank you all!

We Can Only Try Our Best

Since it is Mothers Day weekend, I have tried to enjoy all the little surprises David has planned for me. In our house we try to make a weekend of holidays, not just one day. I usually LOVE Mothers Day, but this year I am finding it a little more difficult. I know as moms all we can do is try our very best, but I feel like I am falling short. (I'm not looking for comments telling me what a great mom I am by the way) I never really wanted to be much in life, but I did know that I wanted to be a mom. That's the only thing that stayed steady. I wanted to be a Psychiatrist, but then realized I care too much about people to have that as my job. I am in the WORST mood as David and the girls are out very lovingly cleaning my car. I love a clean car, and this is an amazing gift for me but I am unable to enjoy it because I feel undeserving. David planned a great Steak and Potato dinner complete with corn on the cob, but again I just don't feel like I deserve it. People tell me all the time what a great mom I am and how amazing my kids are but at the same time I have a constant humming in the background telling me that I am not doing a great job. I have been told that I am "too hard on the girls, too strict, unfair," I have been told that I should do everything for Kadence because she has special needs. I have been told that I push her too hard to do things that she struggles with. I have been told that I alone am the one that is hard on the girls and force David to be too. I have even had our decisions that we have made for Kadences medical treatment questioned. I know that if any of this was true that our girls wouldn't be as happy as they are. If you were to ask people to describe Kadence in one word they would tell you one of three options: Energetic, Strong, or HAPPY. I am always told how happy my girls are. You don't get happy girls by being "too hard" on them. They would be incredibly insecure. Even though I know these judgments are wrong and unfair, they still hurt more than anyone could understand. The only person I wanted to be in life was a mom and I feel like I am not doing a great job at it. I know that every mom can only do the best they can and that no particular parenting technique is perfect for all children or all households. I know that I am raising great kids who have manners, can do what I ask, don't throw tantrums, listen in public, are kind to others, and are just plain ol' HAPPY. I wish that certain people who like to pass judgement on my parenting would just take a look at all the positive things that we have done. Not just the before mentioned, but we have a special needs daughter who demands a lot of time and patience. She didn't get where she is now overnight, nor did she get here by herself. It took our loving guidance and constant encouragement. She used to not be able to even get on the couch by herself and now she can do SO many things. She is one tough girl, but she could only get there with LOVE. I think it will take a while for me to just be able to know that their opinions don't matter, but the hard part is that even though they don't matter and their perceptions aren't true it still hurts. It hurts so much that I don't even feel that I deserve to be celebrated as a mother. I have spent most of my day in tears because I know David has tried so hard to make my day a perfect one and I just simply don't feel like I have earned it. I'm hoping that now that I have vented my silly little woes I will be able to move on, be happy, and enjoy my family who loves me. In the end that is all that should matter. My girls are so excited for all of the secrets they have and have been so cute. They were so proud of themselves when they cleaned my car and they are proud of the "treasure box" they are making. (Even though that was supposed to be a surprise until tomorrow) I love them with all of my heart and will always do whatever it takes to make sure they are happy and well taken care of. Sorry you had to endure my little pity party.

On a better note, thank you to all the people who have been mothers to me. My own mom, my sisters, and many other women have invested time in me and showed me things that I wanted to do...and things I didn't. Either way they have helped mold me into the mother I am today and I am so grateful for that. I may not be the very best mom, but I am trying my very best to be and that's what matters.

Oh, Kadence just ran up to me and said, "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOMMY!" and gave me a great big hug. I told her that Mothers Day isn't until tomorrow and she said, "I know, I'm just practicing." Man I love my kids. Thank you David for doing such a great job at being a good dad and an amazing husband. Thank you for putting so much effort into my special day. I appreciate it and love seeing how happy the girls are to help you show me that I am loved.

Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I have an obsession with the way my toenails are painted. I try hard (although being a mom it doesn't always happen) to keep them from looking as though they have grown out. Chipped toenail polish drives me absolutely crazy! Even while pregnant I would paint my toenails. It was QUITE the process too. Those who saw how gigantic I was know what a task it was. My belly grows straight out when I am pregnant and I literally look like I have a basketball under my shirt. It was a 6 step process. I would remove the polish from one foot, take a break, remove polish from the other foot, take a break, then apply polish to each foot with a break in the middle and finally I would add sparkles to each foot with a break in the middle. It took me FOREVER but it drove me insane if they went too long. David even offered to paint them for me, but I politely (AND not so politely) declined numerous times.

I CONFESS...I have two of the most amazing kids I know. They are SO well behaved most of the time and get along so great together. I can go shopping without wondering if they will behave, we can go to eat without wondering if we will be asking for to-go boxes at the same time as when they bring our food, I can go mow the lawn and come back to them playing nicely together, and usually I can shower without a disruption. They have their moments, but they are seriously the best kids. I don't know how we got so lucky, but I am sure glad we got the girls we did!

I CONFESS...That today I have really been struggling with Kadence's trials. I sometimes feel bad for myself for having to go through it, but most of the time I just feel bad for her. Today has been one of those days. As if having her get a brace she doesn't love wasn't bad enough, today when I gave her a bath I realized it was rubbing a huge sore on her leg that was bruised and gross. Did she complain? Not a single time. I feel terrible. She is such a tough little thing and just takes each trial with a smile. As I dropped her off at school I told the teacher she wouldn't be there on Monday because we had to schedule a quick visit to Orthotics to try and fix her brace. She then explained to me that Kadence told her all about getting her cast off and then said, "Then they put this brace on and it hurts REALLY bad." Mrs. Jill said, "You don't like your brace very much?" Kadence said, "I LOVE my brace!" I just about lost it. She never ever complains about the pain, and just has the most positive little outlook on life. I think anyone who has met Kadence can see her true genuine happiness. I don't know why she never complains about her pain, but it seriously breaks my heart. I often wonder why she has to go through all of this, and as most mothers I wish I could trade her places. I hate seeing all her bruises that are left all over her from her cast, all the broken down skin, all the scars, and the horrible rash she always gets after her cast is removed. I hate seeing my baby go through such a trial, but I am so grateful she is so strong. It makes it a little easier for me to see her strength and I hope one day I can have half as much strength and happiness as her. She's my rock who keeps me grounded and Shelby is my firecracker who keeps me on my toes. (My painted toes)

I CONFESS...I like driving in the car by myself. I turn the radio up really loud and sing my little heart out. I'm sure I look ridiculous, but its almost therapeutic for me. The music changes depending on my mood, but I love it. I try to do it when the girls are in the car, but they either tell me I'm giving them a headache or beg for the Tangled soundtrack.

New Brace And A Family Adventure

On Tuesday we had an appointment to get Kadence's cast taken off and get her new brace fitted and adjusted. We then were supposed to go back down on Wednesday to talk to her Dr and talk about the xrays. On Monday, David decided that he would just take 2 complete days off rather than a whole day and a half day. Because of this we decided to head to Park City for a night and make it a little family adventure. Our girls LOVE adventures and we go on them often. An adventure can be anything from going and getting an ice cream cone to Disneyland. Either way they have loved every one we've been on. Staying at Park City would also save drive time since we wouldn't have to drive back and forth to Ogden. I was really excited, except we decided so late Monday night that I couldn't pack until Tuesday morning. It was spontaneous which usually isn't me at all. I like to plan and re plan everything.

I forgot my camera...OF COURSE so all the pictures are off of my phone and aren't the best quality.

We headed down to Shriners Tuesday morning and geared up for our LONG appointment. Last time it took 6 hours. This time was much shorter, thankfully. We had decided a long time ago to bring Shelby with us. I absolutely hate leaving her behind all the time while we care for Kadence and since this isn't a "sick" hospital we figured it would be fine to bring her. We also were thinking the girls could entertain each other. It worked!

We first got Kadence's cast cut off. Here she is happy as can be to have it off.

You can tell on the above picture that her belly is irritated, but I am giving you a close up anyways. (below) For the past 3 weeks or so Kadence had a big bulge from where her cast stopped to where her crotch started. At first we thought it was just that she had a full bladder, but it wasn't. We contacted Shriners and they weren't too concerned with it at all. They figured that she wasn't having bladder control problems and she wasn't complaining of pain. Her Care coordinator did add that she didn't trust Kadence to tell us if she's in pain because of her last little infected incident. After taking the cast off we could see that if we would have gone much longer her entire belly area would have gotten a pressure sore because she grew too much while in the cast. (On a side note, I just HATE seeing how deformed she always looks. I hope it all goes away eventually)

GROSS ALERT:

Ok, so the reason for the smell was because a piece of bark from the playground went down Kadence's cast and started getting an infected area. Luckily it seems as though it was pretty recent and so it hadn't quite gotten to the terrible point of the last nasty sore. I took a picture of the bark in her shirt surrounded by the nasty infection/puss/nasty. I broke the piece because at first we weren't sure what it was.

Here's my happy Kadence waiting for her Orthotic appointment. With her backpack of things to do. (I'm a well prepared mama!)

Her usual orthotic guy, Scott, is out for 6 weeks so we had someone different. He walked in with a BLUE brace that had planets all over it. I told him that I thought he had the wrong room and he said, "No, the brace has Kadence's name on it." I then explained to him that was NOT the brace she had picked out. I almost burst into tears. It was definitely a little boy pattern and not even close to the purple stars brace she had picked out. He went to adjust some of it and Kadence said, "Why do I get a boy brace?" It almost broke my heart. He came back in and told us that the note and order said "stars" and he has no idea why we got "planets." Ok, great now people will think I beat my child AND wonder why a little girl is wearing such a boy pattern. We then started trying to convince Kadence how awesome her brace was because there was nothing we could do about it.

We have some amazing friends who live in Salt Lake and invited us to lunch. It was such a nice thing to spend time with friends AND have our girls sit pretty well most of lunch. At one point Amy asked Kadence if she liked her brace and she said, "It's not my favorite." Ugh, I almost cried. It breaks my heart to know she not only will start Kindergarten with everyone looking at her because she's different but she won't even like her brace she has to wear.

After our yummy lunch we headed up for our "adventure." We got checked into the hotel and then headed out shopping. David and I got a few things and then we went to walmart to let the girls pick a prize. Kadence got a puzzle and Shelby got a fishing game.

We then decided it was time for dinner. I had a coupon for New York Pizza company so we decided we'd go try it out. Plus, it was open mic night! We started out with no idea where we were going, but then I remembered we could use the Navigation on our phones. We found the restaurant, walked to the door, and then realized it was closed Mondays and Tuesdays during the 'down season.' DANG! We got the girls some McDonalds and then we went swimming!

Here's Kadence all ready to go.

Here's Shelby checkin herself out in the mirror

It was so funny because when we got down to the pool Kadence said, "Daddy do I look sexy?" It made me laugh SO hard.

After swimming David gave the girls a bath and I gave them some new Spring PJ's. They LOVE pajamas and I had bought these a while ago. Now that the weather is warm enough for short sleeve PJ's I figured why not bring it on our adventure? Needless to say the girls enjoyed it.

David and I decided we were getting hungry, but it was late and not very many places were open. We finally figured out that Domino's was open so we placed an order online. I mapquested directions....but left them on our bed in the hotel. I though I could remember them alright so we headed out. We quickly realized that I could NOT remember them well enough so we stopped at a Chevron to ask for directions. Its the only Domino's in the area so we figured they would know what we were looking for. Unfortunately David said that they had no idea what he was saying and in broken English told him that they didn't know. He then asked where Ute Blvd was because we knew that was a direction and they said they didn't know where Ute Blvd was. Great, our pizza was probably ready and we had no idea how to get to it. Then I again remembered the Navigation on our phones. It sent us off on our way back to Ogden then looped us back toward Park City. We were sort of lost. Then the Navigation told us that we were there and we couldn't see a Domino's anywhere. We then realized that in a very normal building that blended in with all the others there was a simple very plain sign that said Domino's. What? Where was the red and blue? Anyways we got our pizza and then the Navigation gave us very simple directions home. We laughed because we couldn't figure out why it didn't send us to Domino's the way it sent us back to the hotel. We laughed even harder when we realized that the Chevron was ACTUALLY ON Ute Blvd!

We got home, ate, and tucked the girls in bed.

A while back I also ordered some fleece blankets that had Jack Skelington on them. The girls were so excited because they both also LOVE blankets. If you go in Kadence's room she literally has a stack of blankets from her dresser to the ceiling. I can't reach the top so David always has to get her blankets down.

The girls slept pretty well all night minus Kadence's 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom.

The next day we slept in, got ready, ate breakfast and headed back to Salt Lake. We figured we would let the girls play at a park for 45 minutes because we were early, but it was a little windy and chilly so instead we went to Temple Square to look at all the pretty flowers.

The girls ARE in the picture below, they are just really tiny.

We headed back up to Shriners and had a few adjustments done to Kadences brace. Then we talked with the new orthotic guy and he said that after he and Kadence's Dr looked at the xray they were very pleased. He said that they are about at the same curve as she was in her cast which is GREAT news. Usually you don't get anywhere near the same in cast as in brace. He then explained that her rotation that is in her lumbar was actually more corrected in her brace than it was in her cast. Even better news! We have never had a brace that has her at such a good spot to start off with. She tends to regress rapidly and I doubt this will be any different, but at least she is starting off at a good place. We waited almost an hour and a half past our appointment before the Dr came in and he only talked to us for about 5 minutes. It was sort of a waste of time because he didn't even tell us much other than we will do her next cast in the Fall. He sent us over to Orthotics for one more tiny adjustment and we were done!

We decided to add one more stop and go to Ben & Jerry's at the Gateway. None of us had ever eaten there before and again, I had a coupon. We all enjoyed our ice cream and headed back to reality. David has a summer class that started today at 4:30 so we could only stay and play for so long. I am so glad we were able to spend time together as a family. It was the best Mothers Day present I could have asked for. Plus we will get to do it again this month since I have another gift certificate for Best Western that expires at the end of the month.