Wordy Wednesday...Again, on Thursday.

I'm so sorry that I never get the Wordy Wednesday post done on Wednesday, I almost should start calling it Wordy Thursday but it doesn't quite roll off the tongue. This weeks Wordy Wednesday prompt was: Trials

I once heard that God gives more trials to those who he can trust to handle them well. I often joke that God must REALLY trust me. I don't know that there's any truth to that, but it does offer me comfort when I am at a low point. I have gone through life with a relative amount of trials, each of which I have learned something from. In the last 5 years I have gone through an incredible amount of trials...almost one after another...and I have not only learned from them, but grown a great deal from them. I didn't really notice how much I have grown until I was helping my mother during my grandmas last days. Five years ago I wouldn't have gone into the nursing home let alone gone daily. I wouldn't have stayed longer than a few minutes, and I definitely wouldn't have gone when they were just waiting for her to die. I don't like seeing people in pain, people who are sad, or people who are suffering. It absolutely breaks my heart. I feel that sometimes being blessed with a big heart can sometimes be a trial in itself. Why the change? I have learned how much the support means. I have been in situations when I have had no choice but to see people hurting, people sad, and stay the night in the dreaded hospital. (I HATE hospitals) I know how empty it feels to sit alone and how helpless you feel. I know how much all of my families support meant to me. I also know what it felt like to have a lack of support from people I thought I could lean on. I never want to be that person. I want to be someone everyone can count on. I want to be the person people call in the middle of the night when they feel they have nowhere else to turn. Five years ago I would have cared, but not enough to get up and do something about it. I'm thankful for my trials. (Of course not always while I'm going through them) I've seen how close it has made David and me in our marriage. I've seen how it has changed my view on life. I have a different outlook and try hard not to take the little things for granted. I kiss my girls often, I take time to read to them, to laugh with them, and to rock them beside their beds. I make sure I get over any hard feelings I have because life is too short to be angry. I have changed so much in such a short amount of time and I am so grateful. I wouldn't want to trade lives with anyone because I would still be that immature girl nobody could rely on. I wouldn't value the worth of every soul, and look at people for who they truly are instead of the way they behave. I try really hard to live without regret. Trials just plain ol' suck, but in the end they are usually worth it.

Kadence's Journey Pt 3

Ok, we left off on July 13 with me getting released from U of U hospital, and Kadence starting to make huge efforts to recovery. Remember at this point my sweet little Kadence was already a week old and I had only seen her for about 35 minutes total. I will be covering July 13- July 20th.

I went down to see Kadence on July 14th and again could only stay for about a half an hour. I tried so hard to stay longer because I wanted to be there for my baby, but I just physically couldn't. I am so grateful to all the many many family members who took turns going to see her. It gave me huge comfort to know that she wasn't alone.

On July 15th, David and I went to see Kadence. As we went through the routine of scrubbing (Which hurt SO bad because my arms were bruised beyond belief from all the IVs and blood draws), checking in with the nurses station and walking back, we noticed something very out of our routine....A new machine! They moved her off of her ventilator and on a new one...a smaller one. They kept her old ventilator in the back in case she wasn't ready for the upgrade. This was a particularly good day for me. Kadence opened her eyes for me for the first time, grabbed onto my finger for the first time, and we even got to see her cry for the first time. Ok, you may be wondering why we had to see her cry not hear her cry. Because of all the tubes and machines, she wasn't able to make any sound. It was absolutely heart breaking to watch her face melt, and she was just a screamin' yet we couldn't hear her. The good thing was that she was with it enough that she knew to cry. They had her off most of her pain meds and only gave them as needed. They gave her some food for the first time...through a feeding tube to see if her body could handle it. They let David do her "cares" which included taking her temperature and changing his very first diaper. He did great, but it was so nerve wracking to have nurses hovering over you to make sure the cares were completed. I made another goal for Kadence. I told her that we needed to be able to hold her by her 2 week birthday. We soon would realize that was a bit of a stretch, but I knew she was strong and determined. We went home to Logan that night to get some rest and sleep in our own bed. It seemed so empty at home without our baby.

On July 16th, David received the Melchizedek Priesthood at our home ward in Logan. It was a great experience. Somehow the bad day Kadence was having overshadowed it though. She was having problems with her lungs. She was actually getting air outside of her lungs. They were able to get most of it out by twisting her chest tube which was a huge relief. Here she is on the 16th:

On July 17th we got great news....She was off of ventilators all together!!! It is such a huge improvement from the day before! We were able to hear our little girl cry for the first time in her 11 days of life. It was such a tiny little cry and very raspy due to all of the tubes that were in her throat. David was able to give Kadence her very first blessing today as well. At PCMC they don't allow you to use your own oil though, they give you a sterile syringe with consecrated oil in it. It was neat and David kept the syringe as a reminder.

On July 18th Kadence took a little step backwards. She was struggling and uncomfortable without the ventilators so they moved her on to a c-pap machine. Most people know that a c-pap machine is used for those with sleep apnea to help maintain a steady flow of oxygen and keep their lungs open. It's the same for Kadence's c-pap. It made it so it was more comfortable for her to breath and was able to save her energy for other things. There was some good news though, her second chest tube was finally out. She was able to lay on her stomach for the first time, and she absolutely LOVED it! She also sucked on a binkie for the first time.

On July 19th I had my follow up apt at U of U, and everything looked like it was headed in the right direction. My blood pressure was still high for me but it was finally in the normal range. They didn't ever put me on meds to lower it because when the body ends up regulating itself it would put the blood pressure way too low. Kind of tricky I guess. They took Kadence's catheter out and now they weigh her diapers. They also took her off her Lasiks. (The med that helps drain extra fluid off her body) She slept much more comfortably because of the c-pap machine. They told us we could have held her today, but we didn't want to since the c-pap tubes would pull at her nose and make her uncomfortable. We figured we would wait until she was ready.

Look at what a proud daddy he is!

On July 20th (Her two week birthday) we went back to see Kadence laying there with oxygen on. The excitement was almost overwhelming. She AGAIN met the goal I set for her and we knew we would get to hold her. I got to hold her first because well, I am the mom. It was so great to hold her. It made it real and finally for the first time she felt like she was ours.

Mommy and her princess

Proud daddy holding his little girl

It made us laugh so hard because when we put her back in her isolet, she laid like this. It was like she was absolutely exhausted from being held and just in a state of absolute comfort. I love this picture!

So her second week of life was much better than her first and although we didn't know what kind of handicaps she may have, we knew she would make it at this point. What a huge comfort to know that she was ours and we would one day be able to take her home to love her without people standing over us.

Cast free!!

Yesterday Kadence was able to get her cast off...YIPEE! I don't know if she was more excited or if David and I were. All of us wanted it off. We were going to be getting it off on Wednesday along with getting her new brace, but her Dr approved her getting it off early so she could participate in the Clinton days parade with her dance group. We were so excited that she would be able to be in the parade. We got the cast off which takes about 5 minutes, and then enjoyed a few hours in Salt Lake. We got take out from a place called Oasis Cafe and went to a park for brunch. It was delicious. David and I want to go back and sit on the patio and eat.

Kadence ended up needing to go potty and the park didn't have any bathrooms. We hurried back to Shriners because we knew they had clean bathrooms and we were close. It ended up she didn't even have to go....UGH! When we walked into the bathroom there was a grandma changing her little grand baby. Right when we opened the door he said, "HI" I said hi back and quickly got Kadence to the bathroom. Like I said, she didn't even need to go but I still wanted to wash her hands. While we did the boy told us hi again and then told Kadence "Hi baby" He was the cutest little thing and totally stole my heart. I pointed out to Kadence that he had a cast just like her which she loved! Right when I said that his grandma whipped her head around and looked at Kadence. I then had to explain that we had just had her cast removed. It is so weird how it gives comfort to know that someone else is going through the same struggle as you. Of course it is different for every child and every parent, but it is similar. This little boy had such a happy go lucky personality and reminded me so much of Kadence. I thought I actually left there without having my heartwarming experience, but Kadence made it all work out. I love going there and feel so blessed every time we leave.

Here is Kadence and daddy at the park

And my cheesy Shelby

Here is a little sideways video of Kadence right after getting her cast off. Every time she gets it off she is so wiggly and it cracks us up! She just can't sit still because she has been trapped too long. It makes us laugh so tilt your head and enjoy!

After we got home we had to take Shelby to the eye Dr because she has this red eye that won't go away. It isn't pink eye and started getting a film over her cornea so we didn't want to risk any damage. It is a viral infection, but it doesn't follow the normal viral infection patterns. Hopefully it will go away quickly and nobody else gets it. The Dr said if we clean her hands we should be fine in public, but chances are that Kadence will get it because they are around each other constantly sharing toys and touching each other. Here's to hoping!

We bought some squirt guns and went home and filled our kiddie pool and let the girls have fun in the water since they have been missing out so far this summer. They had a blast and can't wait to do it again. I'm so happy that Kadence doesn't have to miss out any longer and that Shelby gets to play in water too. Shelby LOVES water.

Drive-in

Ok, I guess this is just the summer for firsts in our family. Kadence caught her first fish, Shelby went fishing for the first time, both girls saw their first movie in a theater, David and I went on our first kid-free vacation, the girls both went on their first camping trip....and now they have been to the drive-in for the first time.

We went and saw Dispicable Me, which is really a cute movie. The girls loved it and had a good time. They had a hard time sitting still and were down in chairs, then in the back of our car, then the chairs, then the car, etc. Overall they were pretty good and we had a great time as a family. Here are some of the pictures I took before the movie started...enjoy!

First Camping Trip

David and I both camped a lot growing up, so it was very surprising that we waited so long to take our girls camping. We went with Davids family, but went up a night early to save our spot. It's a good thing we did because the campground we wanted was full and we had to go up a few campgrounds to find a spot...on a Thursday night! Good thing David doesn't have to work Fridays or we would have had a ton of trouble finding a spot. We got up there in time to set up camp before it got dark, but that was about it. So we started a fire and made smores. We had time to take a few pictures while we did it. (By a few, I mean a LOT I just only put a few on here)

The girls didn't have a very good night. They woke up many times scared because they didn't know where they were. None of us got a whole lot of sleep. Because of this, David and I decided we would stay until 11 and then go home and sleep and come back in the morning.

The girls had fun digging in the dirt, exploring the bugs and bushes and throwing rocks in the river.

While we were at the river, daddy caught a snake. Kadence loved it...Shelby hated it! Kadence ended up naming it Cinderella. She loved touching it and letting it wrap around her little fingers.

We put it in a bottle so that the girls could show it to grandma and grandpa later that day. Shelby was ok with it when it was in the bottle and even sang it "Rockabye Baby" to help it go to sleep.

Grandma and Grandpa brought tons of activities to help entertain the girls and I think Grandpa was as excited as the girls!

We went home that first night and woke the girls up the next morning to drive up to camp. Right outside the entrance to camp, Shelby threw up EVERYwhere. We luckily were close to camp and could clean her up. We stayed and quickly ate breakfast and then went back home to let Shelby sleep and see if she could handle food. (I don't like to risk getting anyone else sick) She slept for 4 hours and woke up just fine. We think she just got heat exhaustion or something that made her sick. We drove back up in time for dinner, games, and smores.

Jason, Sage, Mika, and Kadence

The girls would stand on the camper steps and sing for us

Jeff teaching Bella to dance

Jeff holding Mika

Curtis, Kadence, Sage and Jason playing cards

Shelby must have thought her water was too heavy to lift because she just rested it on the table

Jeff and Kadence

Sage and Shelby

Silly faces!

Silly faces!

Tongues!

Kadence and mommy!

Curtis and Shelby

We had a lot of fun despite all our plans going wrong. We are planning on going for an overnighter sometime in August. We think the girls did ok for the first night, but missed out on too much sleep to do it 3 nights in a row. We want our girls to learn to camp and enjoy nature so hopefully they will do better on the next trip.

Why Not?!

So my girls LOVE Toy Story and I have wanted to get them some Toy Story PJ's because they also LOVE PJ's and all they have are boy PJ's. I finally just broke down and bought them some boy pajamas because, why not? Shelby loves the aliens and calls them "oooooo" and Kadence loves Buzz. She tells me she is Buzz and says "Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!" and runs all around the room. I took a picture of them in their new pajamas because they were being so funny. This picture pretty much captures the excitement.

Kadence's Journey Pt 2

Ok, it's really hard for me not to post every day along Kadence's month long journey. So much happened and it's hard to condense it all. This post will be July 7th through July 13th.

As life flight was getting Kadence ready for her life flight to PCMC, her grandma Green sat with her and rubbed her little foot. We found great comfort in knowing that she wasn't alone. She then arrived at PCMC where they were able to give her the medical attention that McKay couldn't. They performed an EEG (That weeks later they would tell us the results said she was brain dead) and they had a great team of doctors and nurses trying to give her the best chance at living. She was slowly making progress. She had peed which was great news because it meant her kidneys were working, she had chest tubes put in on both sides to help get the fluid out and she was losing weight like crazy. (Which was a good thing because it meant the swelling was going down) She still had a long way to go, and we still couldn't get a for sure answer on if she would or wouldn't make it.

July 8th

I was stuck up in Logan Regional hospital and not feeling great. My legs were super swollen and I couldn't hardly move. The nurses kept trying to get me to walk, but it hurt so bad because of the swelling. I also ended up with some fluid in my lungs so I had to be monitored closely. I was released on June 9th even though I kept telling them that something wasn't right. My blood pressure was high which is SO abnormal for me, and they just kept telling me it was because I was stressed. My legs were so swollen I could barely fit a pair of mens PJ pants on, but they just told me that it was because some women get swollen after delivery. We went home and stayed the evening there so that I could rest, shower, and pack. Of course I wanted to go straight down and see my baby, I knew I had to take care of myself too. I found comfort in knowing she had visitors daily.

On July 10th we loaded up the car and headed down to Ogden for a short break, and then off to Salt Lake to stay at the Ronald McDonald charity house. I was still in a lot of pain from my c-section so an hour car ride was about all I could handle at once. We stopped at my moms house, and I started feeling terrible. We called my OB, and he said to go check my blood pressure. David ran to the store and bought a blood pressure monitor, and my blood pressure was higher than it was in the hospital, which freaked me out because I am always at the low end of normal. The doctor told us to just keep monitoring it. My mom went with us down to Salt Lake. We got the tour of Ronald McDonald, the rules, and our room. We rested there for a minute before heading up to see Kadence. I had troubles walking so David had to get me a wheelchair to help save some of my energy. We stopped at the cafeteria to get a bite to eat because I was feeling like I was going to pass out. After eating we headed up. It was strange to me because David knew exactly where to go and it was all so new to me. He showed me how to get into the NICU by calling, how to scrub up, and where our little princess was. This was something I would get very used to, but the first time was very overwhelming. Kadence was in the furthest back room in the corner. As I sat there looking at her I felt so helpless. I talked with her and I set a goal for her. I told her that she should work on opening her eyes so that I could see them. I wanted her to do it by the next day...I know that sounds like an unattainable goal, but I knew she was strong and I knew she could hear me. It was so hard to leave her, but I was not feeling well and knew I needed to go rest.

July 10th

The next day I wanted to go see Kadence first thing, but I wasn't feeling very good still. We took my blood pressure and it was VERY high. I think it was 174/114. Compared to my usual 110/70 that was incredibly high! We called the doctor who then ordered us to go to the ER immediately. I was heartbroken. I had only seen my daughter twice in her whole life and now I wasn't able to see her again today?! How would she ever know that I loved her? We arrived at the U of U ER and were seen very quickly. They put me on a monitor and we watched my blood pressure climb. Doctors and nurses were running in and out of the room which made me nervous. I hadn't ever had such attention in a hospital before. The doctor immediately recognized that I had severe post partum pre eclampsia. Normally with pre eclampsia you deliver the baby to remedy it, but I had already delivered my baby. The only thing they can do to try to help is to give you a steady drip of magnesium sulfate. This stuff was HELL! It made you burn on the inside and freeze on the outside. They brought me to 4 different rooms before deciding where to leave me for good. Dale and Uncle Brian gave me a very powerful blessing which offered me enough comfort to get some rest. While I was in the hospital, a lot of family came to see both Kadence and I. It made it easy because there was a bridge that connected U of U to PCMC. I didn't really want David to leave me because I was so worried and stressed, but I finally let him go see Kadence. I knew she needed him more than I did. When he came back, he was so excited! He explained to me that Kadence opened her eyes! He was able to get a picture of it to show me. She held up her end of the deal and I was so happy!

July 11th

I stayed in the hospital for a few more days and struggled every second of it. In fact, the first time they got me out of bed I ended up passing out. It was incredibly embarrassing! I tried to get better quickly so that I could go see my baby. Everybody else was bonding with her and I had only been able to see her for about 35 minutes total in her week of life. I was released on July 13th. We decided to leave the Ronald McDonald house and stay at my parents house because it was so depressing there. It was a great opportunity, and we really appreciate the chance we had to stay there but it made it hard to take our mind off of our situation. We went to my parents so that we had a little bit of home and we could get better sleep.

On July 13th Kadence started making huge improvements. One of the two chest tubes was removed, she came off the nitrous oxide that was helping her lungs function, quite a bit of the swelling was gone, she weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce, and her blood pressure had started to stabilize. (Yep, we both struggled with hypertension) She was headed in the right direction and we were starting to feel like she might actually make it.

Kadence's Birthday!!

Kadence wasn't only excited for her birthday party this year, but also her birthday. We started the day as usual in our house when there is a birthday....with yummy doughnuts! She had a few days before decided she wanted a 'fiesta with a pinata and for everyone to sing feliz cumpleanos' I am almost positive it's due to a Dora episode she saw where they threw Boots a birthday party. What can I say though, my girls get what they want on their birthdays! She was dead set on a pink cake so I died the batter pink....

And the frosting pink...

And the fondant pink. I was VERY sick of pink by the end of the day!!

I also had to make some pink cupcakes.

Since I put of making a pinata until her actual birthday I didn't have time to do a paper machete one. I looked around on the internet and found this easy, mess free idea. You get a small paper bag or a large grocery sized bag and fill it half full with goodies. Then you put a sheet of crumpled up tissue paper in the top, roll the top down and staple it shut. You then apply a piece of tissue paper to the bottom to cover the bottom of the bag.

You then take strips of tissue paper that you have cut and fringed and glue it around the bag.

Finally you hole punch the top and tie a string through it. Wa La! A very easy pinata that you can complete in one day. The best part is that you don't have half the mess to clean up at the end.

We bought Kadence a vanity for her birthday for $25!! We got it back in January when they had Christmas stuff on clearance. Her and her sister both LOVE it!

Even though we have seen many instances on America's Funniest Home Videos where the dad regrets holding the pinata, David still offered to be the brave soul who held the girls pinatas.

Shelby went first and then Kadence tried hers out.

I'm not sure I would recommend doing this kind of pinata for a party. Both girls would try for a while before I would have to step in and hit it. I ended up denting our bat...I know it's plastic, but it's a pretty tough plastic. I think next time I try it I might make a small slit in the bottom of the bag so it will break easier.

At the end of the day, I was totally pinked out but Kadence LOVED her pink fiesta!

4th of July Birthday Party!

Kadence celebrated her 4th birthday a few days early this year. We had a family camping trip planned the weekend after her birthday so we decided to do a big 4th of July BBQ along with Kadence's birthday party this year. She helped us decide to do a BBQ because when we asked her what she wanted to eat for her birthday she said, "A cheese hamburger!" I tried to have a Toy Story birthday party mixed with a 4th of July party. I had some decorations for both. I dressed the girls in red and white with blue and red star necklaces. I had both Toy Story and red, white, and blue cupcakes. And of course you can't get more patriotic then a 4th of July BBQ, right?

I took a picture of the VERY excited birthday girl!

And her very excited sister wanted a picture too!

She had a lot of family and friends come to celebrate with her. I think that is her favorite part! She loves asking who will come and gets SO excited when you name them off.

Kadence couldn't wait to grab her cupcake from David and blow out her candle. While we were singing she had the biggest smile on her face. Shelby danced through the whole birthday song it was really cute!

We had popcicles and cupcakes because I didn't want to deal with the mess of ice cream melting all over the table.

We ended the night with some fireworks. Curtis was nice enough to light them so that David could sit and watch with his girls!


By the end of the night I wasn't too happy because of some family drama, but Kadence really enjoyed herself which is what matters most! (And who can have a family party without any family drama?)