4 Years Already?!

Today is such an emotional day for me. Four years ago today I received the worst news of my life! My sweet baby was in danger, might not survive, and was being life flighted.

I delivered Kadence 5 weeks early and she had a condition called hydrops fetalis. Which in short is extreme edema or swelling. My premature baby weighed in at 8 pounds 12 ounces. She had absorbed about 3 pounds of fluid into her tissue which was putting so much pressure on her organs. If my doctor didn't follow his instincts, we both wouldn't be here today. Since she was absorbing all of my fluids, I was in pretty bad shape myself and barely dodged a trip in a helicopter myself. If I would have labored without knowing she was in trouble she for sure would have died, and I most likely would have. I will forever be grateful to a doctor who is in tune with the spirit and also knows how to ask for help when he needs it. He passed me along to his partner because after 3 c-sections he was too tired. Of course he thought I was only getting an ultrasound and going home, not having a baby. We had picked the best Dr in Logan to be our pediatrician, but had a hard time choosing between two. Luckily our pediatrician also knew how to ask for help and they were both in the OR along with another pediatrician, another OB, and plenty of nurses! They had to make an incision 3/4 of an inch larger on both sides than they usually do for a c-section because of the size of Kadence. They also had to try not to put much pressure on her. Kadence then endured 20 minutes of CPR (Of which I could hear all 20 minutes!) and they went to call a time of death 3 times. Every time they put the stethoscope to her chest and looked at the clock, her heart would start beating again and so they would start compressions again. They finally got a steady heartbeat, but they discovered something else horrific. While they were doing compressions the tube delivering oxygen to Kadence had slipped out. It could have been in the beginning or right at the end, but they had no idea how long she had gone without oxygen. I was sent as usual to a recovery room, and David was able to go see our baby. I told him that he HAD to take pictures!! This is what he discovered when he arrived at the NICU. (Which actually is a lot better than when life flight hooked more tubes and machines up to her.)

You can't see it, but she had a little pink bow in her hair. When David told me about it I just lost it! He also told me that his dad was able to give Kadence a blessing. (Which I posted about earlier) I stressed to the recovery nurse that I HAD to see my baby before she left. I hadn't yet seen her, and knew this very likely would be my last chance. She assured me through tears that she would make sure I saw Kadence before life fight left. Even if she had to wheel me into the hallway herself! It was so strange to me that she was so emotional because she deals with this type of thing often I'm sure. Not necessarily hydrops, but sick, fragile babies. We had a chance to talk to her pediatrician while I was recovering, and life flight was stabilizing Kadence. I love that he just gives you the news without sugar coating it because I'm the kind of person who just wants to know. He told us that she did have a chance at surviving, but that it might not be a very good quality of life. He said we may have to decide if it's worth keeping her here or not. Most children with hydrops die in the womb or are still born. The small percentage that do survive birth don't have a great chance at surviving long. Those that do survive end up with severe mental and physical handicaps. (And those are the odds for those who didn't go without oxygen.)He was trying to prepare us for our future which I really appreciate. I was finally able to move from my post-op recovery room to a normal recovery room. On the way past the nursery the nurse tried to let me peak into the window where Kadence was. They had her in a far corner of the NICU with all the blinds drawn, but they opened them for me. I couldn't sit up yet, so I couldn't see her very well.

When I arrived at my room and they got me situated, life flight finally came through the door. They had Kadence in a little incubator looking thing, and her chest was going a mile a minute. They explained this was normal. They had to hook her up to a machine that kept her breathing while at the high elevation and that is what it does. She had so many tubes and wires coming from her, she was bruised beyond belief from the chest compressions, her eye was bruised from when they had to pry her eye open to put the drops in, and yet she was still so beautiful. The only thing I could reach was her tiny little foot. I rubbed it as I said goodbye. David left shortly after Kadence, and had the horrible weight of knowing he would have to make the decision of whether or not to pull her off of life support. I told him to pray and if it was right to just do it. I didn't see any reason to keep her here if she wasn't meant to be here. I didn't want to keep her alive until I was released. That seemed so selfish to me. It was the very first time I had to put her needs above mine. We all had a very very very long day! And when David left McKay Dee he saw potential. Our princess was alive and she had a great team of nurses and doctors working on her constantly.

In the middle of the night, I received a call from McKay asking if I gave permission to life-flight Kadence to Primary Childrens. They explained she code blued, and they didn't have what she needed at their hospital. Of course my answer was yes. We were told we wouldn't even be able to see her when she arrived at Primary's because there would be a medical team there evaluating her. So, David and I tried to get some sleep.

That's Kadence's first day of life, I will continue to take you on our journey through a few more posts. I won't do a daily post or update, but a few along her journey.

I'm so grateful for all the doctors and nurses, for medical technology, for the life flight team, for the phlebotomist who held the priesthood and was willing to give me a blessing, for Dale giving Kadence a blessing, for the family members who were so supportive from the first day and who somehow arrived in Logan a half hour after the call, and for Kadence's determination and will to survive. I'm most grateful for David who was so strong through the whole thing.

Happy Birthday Princess, I'm so glad you are celebrating your 4th birthday!