Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I have done TONS better with David gone than I thought I would. We have been away from each other overnight, but only if someone was in the hospital. Plus it was literally only overnight and we saw each other first thing in the morning. This is all after almost 6 years of marriage. Now you can sense why I was anxious to have him gone for 3 nights and 4 days! Originally I wanted us all to go and make trips to the San Diego Zoo and Legoland but his work ended up making them share a room instead of getting their own. We just didn't have enough money for the hotel, our tickets, food and the difference in gas. I was SO upset. I was terrified when I thought I would have both legs working, but when David left I still had my brace and was relying on one crutch to get around. Luckily the girls have been great and I was able to ditch my crutches all together Wednesday. It has made getting around much easier, but the best part is being able to carry things by myself. We have missed our daddy and are excited for him to come home tonight. I'm just really proud of all 3 of us girls for surviving and doing really well too!

I CONFESS...Besides lying I have another big pet peeve. (I guess it goes along with lying) I can't stand when people lie about their kids ages to save a few dollars. Not only is it lying, but it's teaching your kids it's ok to lie in some circumstances. I think parents need to lead by example so if you tell your kids to lie sometimes to get something you want (a cheaper price) how are they supposed to know not to lie to get something they want. Plus the difference is usually less than $5. Is $5 really worth your integrity? I have people who are close to me who do this and although it drives me crazy, I still love them.

I CONFESS...I STILL am having a hard time finding that amazing friend who I can be myself around. I want someone who doesn't mind my messy house, my uncut lawn, my kids messy undone hair. Someone who I can make all the off color jokes I want, who I can be semi offensive...ok probably quite offensive at times, who understands my insecurities and fears and who loves me despite it all. I think those kind of friends are few and far between. I have a few who ate close to this description, but I'm so afraid of offending them and pushing them away that I don't give 100% of me. I'm working on changing this because I shouldn't care. They either like me or they don't.

I CONFESS...I am not an animal lover. I'm really not even an animal liker. People are always shocked and almost offended that I don't enjoy animals. David loves animals so we'll probably get one in the not far future and I will help show it affection and feed it, but I won't love it. I can have an animal and care for it, but if it was gone the next day I wouldn't care. I'm definitely a minority because just about everyone loves some sort of animal and treats it as a member of their family, but I still am not a fan.

Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I love my kids and I love my husband, but being stuck in the house with them non stop is driving me CRAZY! I need to get away every now and again to have some "ME" time. It makes me a much better mom and an even better wife. The worst part is, I feel guilty for needing me time. Shouldn't I LOVE spending time with the people who mean the most to me? I should be grateful for every minute we have together. I am more grateful and enjoy the time together more if I have had an hour to myself. It doesn't even have to be daily, but weekly or bi weekly works out too. I am so happy I will be getting my brace off in a week so that I can venture out on my own away from everyone....so that I can enjoy the chaos at home and laugh about the little things instead of letting them frustrate me.

I CONFESS....I hate hate hate when people lie. I explained a situation to my sister last night so that I could vent and get over it. When I was done talking she said, "great, your biggest pet peeve" because the story had to deal with someone who wasn't truthful. I HATE when people lie. I just don't get the point. I'm not saying I'm always happy with the truth, because lets face it the truth can hurt. I'm just saying that if you lie and I find out I am not only hurt, but I am angry too. It takes me a lot longer to get over things when people lie than when they are truthful and then I have a hard time trusting them. When I catch people in lies I don't always confront them or ask them why because I hate hearing the denial and excuses. It just makes me more angry. I'm not saying I haven't ever lied because I think we all have, but I make a huge effort to avoid it at all costs.

I CONFESS....I am really intrigued by people with addictions. I have always been interested in why people do what they do and always try to see things from every point of view. I feel people with addictions do reach a point in which they can no longer control their actions, and they need help. Well in all honesty I think that everyone who has overcome addiction has needed help. It might not be a treatment center or group meetings, but help and support from those around them. I love shows like Celebrity Rehab because it gives you a little peek into the minds of those who are trying to overcome their addictions. I have a strange sense of compassion because you can tell they are in so much pain emotionally. It doesn't excuse their behavior, but you can still love them and have hope for them. I don't have addictive tendencies. I haven't ever been addicted to anything really. If I did a behavior I could basically make the conscious decision to stop and that was that. I think that's part of why I am so interested in learning more about it. I feel I need to give a shout out to one of my very best friends for being sober for a year! I love you so very much and am more proud than you will ever know.

I CONFESS....That I feel I need a lighter confession because all of these have kind of been downers. Ummmm.....I love the way my girls laugh when they are so terrified, but so happy. It's that high pitch squeal that turns into a giggle when you push them a little higher on the swing, or when you chase them and they know you are getting closer, or when they know you are coming to tickle them. That is my very favorite noise.

Evening at the Park

This week the girls have been going stir crazy which has made their behavior....less than ideal. I have been going stir crazy AND have been trying to still enforce some basic rules while trying to understand its not completely their fault. Yesterday was particularly bad. We decided to bribe the girls with a trip to the park. IF they could behave well (meaning relatively well for the circumstances) we would take them to the park after dinner. If they didn't behave well they wouldn't go. They both know we mean it when we say it because Kadence had to stay home from the park last time. It was a nice little learning experience for them both. They weren't super amazing before lunch and I thought neither one would be going. Luckily after a few reminders they were really pretty good. They both ate dinner and totally forgot about their reward. When I reminded them, they lit up!

It wasn't the easiest thing for me to go to the park or to use crutches in the sand, but it was totally worth it and the girls needed it so much! Right when we approached the play area we were approached by a couple who was there with their grandkids. They asked what happened to our family. I LOVE when people just ask instead of staring and guessing. I explained that Kadence had scoliosis and that I was in a car accident. They were relieved to know she wasn't in the car accident with me, yet felt for both of us. We kept busy chatting while the kids played. It was so nice, it was like what I imagine things used to be years ago. It was just a friendly neighborly chat and was nice.

At one point one of the grandsons was throwing sand. They asked him not to and he continued. The grandma excused herself to go handle the situation and as she was leaving the grandpa said, "Be Kind." That really hit me. If it was me in that situation I doubt I would be very kind. Of course my kids would get a warning or two, but after that I get my mommy game face and mean voice. Do I need to be mean in that situation? Absolutely not. You can be kind while still getting the point across most of the time. It reminded me of something else that has stuck with me for over a year now. While in the waiting area of the temple for David's cousin Ali's sealing Davids uncle, Brian, made a comment that has stuck with me. He was talking about some dating fun his son, Andrew, was having and his new girlfriend. (Who is now his wife) He had mentioned that Andrew handled things very kindly. He then said, "Kindness in all things." That has stuck with me since then and I think about it often. (That whole story probably doesn't make absolute sense to everyone, but it does to me) I am so glad that I have periodic reminders to handle situations with kindness and especially be kind with my children. They are the most precious things to me in this life and I need to treat them with kindness. They need to know without any doubt that their mommy loves them and will always be here when they need me.

All in all in was a great trip to the park, the girls were SO tired when we got home and we had a few tired meltdowns from Shelby which doesn't happen too often.

Vegas Day 3

Ok, we have been back from Vegas for almost 2 months and I still haven't finished blogging the trip. When we left for Vegas Kadence woke up with a tiny cough. On our 3rd day in Vegas she woke up SO sick. She was completely miserable! I thought we were going to have to stay in the hotel the whole day because she just kept breaking down in tears. The poor girl. Shelby hated seeing her sick. She just kept bringing her different toys and snacks to try and cheer her up.

Luckily, she started feeling a little better and we headed out for lunch at the Harley Davidson Cafe. It was a really hot walk, but the girls did great! We stopped for pictures on the Harley out front.

Inside they had actual bikes that were on a track and went over your head and around the whole cafe...upstairs and down. The flag was made entirely from chains hanging from the ceiling that were pained. It was really neat.

She really did enjoy the meal and coloring, but was just so miserable from her cold.

Shelby loved it!

On our way back to the hotel we saw the green M&M which is the girls favorite M&M.

We headed back to the hotel to go swimming again with the family. We stopped in the lobby to get some towels, and saw this sign. It is for the hotels library...we laughed so hard! Then we realized it was a "leave a book, take a book" sort of thing which then became a really great idea!

This time we were able to swim with both Amanda and Rachel's families as well as Grandma and Grandpa Gerry.

After we were done swimming we went to Amanda's room to mingle one last time before all of our trips home.....and Rachels trip to Disneyland. (SO jealous)

Here is the whole family, minus my brother Jason and his family and my brother Jonathan and his family. Luckily Jeff still hadn't left for Phantom of the Opera yet so we were able to get everyone in the picture and surprisingly I think everyone is looking at the camera!



And here is our family with Grandma and Grandpa Gerry

After we dropped Jeff of at the Venetian to watch his amazing show, we went to McDonalds and then home to watch Gnomeo and Juliet. It was a nice relaxing few hours. When we picked Jeff up he offered to watch the girls for a bit so we could go out together without kids. We got the girls settled down and in their PJ's and headed out to gamble! We had been watching a Deal or No Deal machine all day and had tried it and lost about $15 and won about $14 so we were almost even. We decided to play smart instead of with greed and we actually won $40! It is my all time favorite machine now because I don't understand the ones that turn like slot machines and match rows and diagonals...they just don't make any sense. $40 was enough for us and we headed out because we knew the girls must be getting tired. We text and Jeff told us that Kadence was crying so we REALLY tried to hurry. If we weren't leaving in the morning we would have just cashed out in the morning, but we wouldn't have time and we didn't want to lose our winnings. We went to the machine that pays out and it was broken, then we were directed to another machine...and another machine. Then finally someone told us that none of them were working and we'd have to go to the actual cashier. When we finally got back Kadence was still crying and I felt TERRIBLE for making Jeff deal with it. I picked her up in my arms and she immediately stopped. That happens at home and it is so frustrating for David. Sometimes they just simply want their mommy I guess.

We went to bed and again Kadence woke up crying off and on. We figured it was going to be a loooong plane ride, but she did really well. I even did better this time. The flight was a lot more smooth and landing and take off were great! The only hang up was that the little boy behind us kept crying "owie owie" I felt so bad for him and his very pregnant mom. He eventually puked everywhere. I handled it so much better than I thought I would and even handed back some wipes and sanitizer.

We had a great trip and it was so nice to have my girls meet my dad and my step mom. Now they have a face to put with the grandparents who send cards. I'm so happy we made the effort to go down.

Personal Space

Last night we took the girls to the Weber State fireworks. It's one of our traditions, and we haven't gone to any firework shows yet this year because of my knee. It was exhausting, but completely worth it to hear the girls excitement. While there I realized I have huge issues when people don't respect your personal space. We went Saturday to set out sheets. We needed to be close to the road so David could drop me off and pick me up. We put out 4 sheets so our neighbor could join us. Sadly our neighbors grandma passed away and she wasn't up for fireworks. Now the irritation. I can't stand when parents watch their kids run all over your (claimed) space. Don't get me wrong, I loved the toddler who kept coming up to us and growling. It's the 9 year olds that know better, and if they don't their parents should. I have no idea why it bugs me so much....but it does. Then during the fireworks a grown man laid mostly on our sheet. It was so irritating because his kids were trying so hard to stay on their own blanket, yet dad couldn't help but lay on our sheet. Not only that, but when the fireworks were over and we were trying to clean up he stayed there. David removed 2 corners from the grass and then had to ask if he could get the rest of the sheet. SO annoying! Then the most irritating part...I was sitting in a chair while David and Jeff cleaned up and the group of Young men kept backing in closer and closer. They were so close to the back of my chair I think I would have felt it if they farted! I kept getting an elbow swung right next to my head and was anticipating the moment I got hit and would probably freak out. Luckily David could tell how irritated I was and asked them nicely if they could scoot a little since it would be difficult for me to move. They were so nice and did move. All in all I was frustrated with what I felt were invasions of my personal space. I feel so silly about it too, kind of like a 5 year old who's upset someone's touching their toy. Oh well, that's me and this is an honest, slightly embarrassing post.

Sprinkler Fun!

Quite a while ago we put the sprinklers on out back for the girls. They loved it! I was even told I was the best mommy in the whole world. :) Here are a few pictures from our fun.

Here is an embarrassing one of David and myself. He knew I was about to take a picture so he did this:

This was a priceless picture, and even though it looked painful in the end nobody cried. They just jumped up and went again!

Kadence's Birthday Party

So after my car accident I was quickly forced to learn to let others help me and to give up control. I was in my car accident on Monday and Kadence's birthday party was on the following Friday. Four days isn't quite long enough to heal I learned. I had all sorts of plans for Kadence's Pinkalicious party. Some were put into action, others were scrapped, and some were just plain ol' forgotten. In the end, Kadence was a very happy Birthday girl and that's what matters!

I had purchased pink gift bags and put a few pink items in them, and then put the rest of the party favors out for kids to pick and choose. I didn't know that the boys would want all of the pink things and this way they were able to decide for themselves.

I made bags full of "green food" and put a label on them that I found on another blog. (Sorry my picture is the wrong direction, I am struggling with blogger today) They had green M&M's, green Jelly Belly's, green licorice, green Airhead, Haribo frogs, green Laffy Taffy, and a carmel apple sucker. It said, "True Blue Cure For Pinkititis is Green Food." on the label and on the other side it thanked friends for coming.

I also found a printable label that I could put on bottles of water. I then bought "pink pop" to put labels on too.

Davids cousin, Amanda, made the cupcakes for her party. I knew she would do a great job, and although David was willing to do the cupcakes I knew it would look like dad made them. :) Amanda made them exactly as I wanted! (I owe her BIG time!)


The big attraction for the party was an inflatable slide. All the kids had a blast on it, and besides a few bumps, nobody got hurt. I was able to get a great deal online and only ended up paying $35 for it....SCORE!

We figured that not ALL of our friends would know the Pinkalicious story so we had Aunt Barb read it to the kids. I didn't want to because I'm terrified of adults, but Barb is used to it since she teaches Kindergarten. (Thanks Barb!)

Kadence ended up opening a few presents while everyone was busy sliding. She would walk up to the gift table, grab a present, walk away, and sneakily open it. Watch the progression of the friends. At first they sit nice and watch....

Then about half stand, half sit....

Then everyone EXCEPT Emilee has moved right up close and a few more are standing. I LOVE this picture, Emi is such a cutie! By the end everyone, except Emilee, is standing VERY close to Kadence. I love it!!

Time for cake!

Make a wish!

Things left out of the party included a "pink bracelet" making table for the kids to make their own bracelets, pink M&M's to go with the Pink Jelly Bellys, framed pages of the Pinkalicious book as decorations, pink tissue paper pom poms, and I'm sure there are more things I just haven't found them yet.

Despite not having it go the way I planned, I am so very thankful for the help I was given and the many offers to help. Jeff spent his entire day getting balloons, picking up and dropping off the slide, and trying to get the tables the way I wanted. I'm one picky gal and he didn't complain once, thanks Jeff! Curtis also came and helped set up...thanks!

Just like last year there was a bit of family drama, but Kadence again didn't notice and told me "it was the best party in the whole world." That's all that matters to me in the end. Happy Birthday my sweet princess I'm so happy you are such a smart, energetic, caring, spunky, crazy girl!

Friday Confessional

FINALLY a Friday Confessional on a Friday!

I CONFESS...when getting dressed it sometimes turns into a crying fit. Especially lately. I know I wear PJ's all day, but when I leave the house I'm usually able to put some jeans on. With the brace it's more difficult and less comfortable so my only option is PJ's. I tried jeans, but I have to do squats basically to get them up, zipped, and buttoned. Since I can't bend my leg I can't wear them. I do have looser jeans, but then they get bunched up and wrinkled in the brace. I have always thrown fits over the way my clothes fit. A shirt can fit great one day and the next day, drive me absolutely crazy. I have gotten SO much better over the past few years, but lately I've resorted to my old fit throwing ways. (Wow that's an embarrassing confession)

I CONFESS...I feel terrible for anyone who is in a wheelchair who wants to go to the movies. I seriously struggled like crazy to get past people and get to my seat. THEN I had to go potty! Luckily the people in my row weren't there yet so I didn't have to clear the whole row. When I got to the bathroom there was a nice lady who held the door open for me. So sweet! On the way out I wasn't as fortunate. I'm sure it was quite the show seeing me try to open the door and get through it. I have always been mindful of those with disabilities, but I think I will go out of my way to be more helpful in the future.


I CONFESS...I am terrible at decorating my house. I try, but I definitely don't do a great job. I'm working on this skill bit by bit and hope one day I can be a grandma with a cute house full of decorations for my grandkids to break!

I CONFESS...I love Salt Water taffy. I like almost all flavers, but it has to be 'Sweets' brand. Luckily that's the more common brand in Utah. It reminds me of hiking when I was little. My mom would put treats and snacks in fanny packs for each of us kids and I remember taffy was always one of the treats. It often came with the instruction 'make sure you don't drop your wrapper.' My mom was always a strong advocate for leaving nature cleaner than you found it. That's a skill I hope to teach my kids.

I CONFESS...I am always worried about what people think of me. I NEVER was until I became a mom. I figured people could like me...or not, but it didn't really bother me. I was able to be 100% ME all the time. I'm working hard to get back to that place because that's when I was truly happy. I don't exactly try to be someone I'm not, but I don't give 100% of myself in any situation and have gotten more reserved. I'm hoping to change this soon because I like me.

Heartbreaking Prayer

Tonight as Kadence knelt beside me I had to choke back the tears as she said the most heartbreaking prayer. I can't remember the EXACT words, but this is the basic idea:

'Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for helping mommy to get better and not have a hurt on her leg. Thank you for helping her be strong. Thank you for helping our family all be strong and not have to wear casts...except me because my back is crooked and I want to grow up. Even though a cast is frustrating sometimes. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.'

Seriously?! I hate that she has to go through so much, I wish she didn't have to. I hate seeing her struggle. Although she is such an amazing example to me and such a tough girl. Right when she was finished Shelby walked over and gave her the biggest hug and said, 'That was a good prayer.' I am so truly blessed to have such awesome kids, but I never thought I would look up to them both at such young ages.

More Things Our Kids Have Said...

So Shelby is a really strange little girl. She LOVES all things villains. She loves anything creepy or twisted. She likes fire. Tonight we were able to add another thing to the list of things that separate her from other little girls. We were playing Kadence's new Pinkalicious game that we gave her for her birthday. Things were going well until David rolled Pinkalicious's little brother Peter. When you roll "Peter", Peter comes and eats one of your cupcakes. Since the object of the game is to get your cupcake pan full of cupcakes this is not a good thing. After that, Shelby was dying to roll "Peter." I explained to her that if she rolled "Peter" she wouldn't win. She then said, "I like to lose, I really want Peter so I can lose" She seriously is one of the most unique little girls I have ever met. She keeps us laughing that's for sure.

Another thing said tonight came from Kadence. David was brushing her teeth when she told him, "Since you and mom aren't having any more babies you need to pick some out so you can name them." This really caught him off guard because we haven't really discussed us not having any more babies with the girls. David and I don't want to have any more biological babies because it isn't really good for my health, but we haven't really explained any of that to the girls. I figured there would come a time when Kadence or Shelby would ask us to have another baby, or tell us they wanted a little brother or sister. It was like Kadence just knew somehow and it will be interesting to see what our future holds. I have wanted to adopt another child, but it is far too expensive for us to do so I just put it to the back of my mind. It's one of my "when I get rich and famous, I'm going to..." I know the girls would be great helpers and would love another sibling to death. They love babies! I am a little worried because she is so incredibly in tune with the spirit and it freaks me out that she may know more than we do. I wanted one more not "some more." We'll see how our life turns out I guess.

Kadence LOVES to pray. She says almost every family prayer and we just let her do it herself. Sometimes she says things that are funny, like mentioning Disneyland, but usually all she does is show thanks. She doesn't really ask for much, and the only thing I can remember her asking for is that we can "not be sick." It's really strange how mature her little mind is. She has thanked our Heavenly Father for hospitals, and Dr's that can help people to feel better. She has thanked Him for letting Jesus help the kids in heaven. She has also thanked Him for helping kids to not be scared. It's so strange to me because we haven't ever said those things in our prayers, yet somehow she knows. She is one spiritual little girl and she has big things in store for her I'm sure of it!

Shelby is such a sweetheart...despite her interest in villains. She tells David when he gets home from work, "Mommy's leg still has a hurt." It's like when she wakes up she hopes to see me walking as usual around the house and then is disappointed when she realizes I am still in a brace. Every time I get up to go somewhere she completely clears the way for me. She is so mindful and aware, and is so super sweet. When her and Kadence play with their toys, one of them tends to have a hurt leg now. It's crazy to me that these past two weeks have been such an impact on them as well. Both her and Kadence are always so willing to do anything I ask of them lately, all I have to do is start my sentence with "Can you girls be mommy's helpers?" and they both jump up to help immediately. They have even fought over who gets to help me. I am so lucky to have a husband who leads by example. He thanked them for helping me while he was at the store tonight and Kadence immediately replied with, "Thank you dad for helping mommy." I have some of the most caring kids in the world. (Not that they are always super sweet or easy to deal with)

Friday Confessional

Ok, I know it's Saturday but I figured it's better late than never. I already feel bad enough about missing the past two weeks. David was in the hospital and then I was struggling with getting everything ready for Kadence's Birthday party. I am really going to try my hardest to continue doing a weekly confessional.

I CONFESS...You should NEVER EVER let your car insurance....or any insurance for that matter...lapse because who knows, maybe that is the exact moment you will get in a car accident. We now have our car insurance on auto pay to keep this from EVER happening again in the future.

I CONFESS...I am really good at helping people, but really crappy at letting people help me. I have absolutely amazing friends and the best family a girl could ask for but for some reason I don't like anyone helping me. I don't even like letting David help me. Having been in a car accident and being couch ridden for 2 weeks has given me no choice. I have learned to humble myself, admit I need help, AND let people help me. I have let people bring me dinner, put together Kadence's birthday party, buy groceries for me, and lots of other things in between. Probably the most humbling thing is needing David's help in order to get dressed, put my brace on, or even just get a drink. I am so truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life who are willing to help me at the drop of a dime and I am slowly trying to learn that it's ok to let those people help me.

I CONFESS...I have the best husband in the ENTIRE world. Yes ladies, you may think you snagged the perfect man, but I snagged the perfect one for me. Never once has he complained or made me feel like he would rather not help me. He is so patient with me and tries his hardest to get things just the way I want them. He has kept up on laundry better than I do, and has made sure our meals are all taken care of. He even puts the girls breakfast on the table before leaving for work in the morning so they can just grab it. He not only bathes our girls, but then blow dries and straightens their hair. He adjusts, and readjusts my pillows and blankets every few minutes until I'm finally somewhat comfortable. Most of all he does it all willingly and I have no idea how I got so lucky. Love you David, and I am so glad you finally got off your butt to marry me!

I CONFESS....July has never been a great month for me, and I would love to break that cycle. Luckily enough, August tends to be a really good month for me so I'm counting down the days. :) David and I miscarried our first baby in July 2005, we had our first live birth that resulted in two life flights and an ambulance ride in July 2006, and my car accident July 2011. It seems little things always seem to go wrong during the month of July even though there isn't anything real noteworthy between 2006 and 2011. In August 2005 we were married, we were able to take our first baby home from the hospital which was a shock to us all, and we always seem to have a lot of family adventures in August. I really enjoy August and try to remind myself that July will be over soon. :)

I CONFESS...I am picky about the way my blanket is on me. I can not stand the blanket hanging off the edge of the couch or bed AT ALL. It seems to pull at me and I can't stand it. The other thing is that the blanket can't be too heavy. I prefer light blankets that can keep me just as warm as a heavy blanket otherwise I feel trapped. Lastly I absolutely can't stand having a tag by my face. The tag of the blanket has to be at my feet because I snuggle the blanket by my face and the tag just irritates me. Ya, David had to deal with fixing my blanket many times over these past two weeks.

Making Root Beer With Daddy!

So as if David wasn't amazing enough, tonight he decided to include the girls in making root beer. He loves root beer and decided to make his own with yeast vs dry ice. It takes 6-10 days, but hopefully the wait will be so worth it. The girls both LOVE being in the kitchen helping, but usually I'm the one who initiates it. I was very surprised when David thought of including them. He was so patient and let them help in each step.

Here the girls are waiting to stir in the sugar

Here Shelby is pouring in some water

Kadence finished off the jug of water

Here they are doing their favorite part....stirring!

I even helped by filling a few of the empty water jugs with the root beer mixture

Here's the finished product, I'll have to let you know how it turns out next week!