Friday Confessional

I CONFESS......I love that Shelby and Kadence are so different from each other. Shelby likes catching grasshoppers while Kadence only likes to look. Kadence loves princesses and fairies while Shelby likes villains. Shelby will tell me all about what she did at school and Kadence always says, 'I don't remember.' They have a lot of similarities, but I'm so glad they are two completely different kids who approach things in a different way.

I CONFESS......I only shave my legs about once a week at best. I just don't have enough time to. I mostly just try to make it through my entire shower without a kid coming in to interrupt. It grosses me out considering I used to shave my legs daily and sometimes even twice a day. Poor David!

I CONFESS.....I don't think I ever miss an episode of Ellen. Sometimes I'm 10 episodes behind, but eventually I get through them all. I sure love that show!

I CONFESS.....I get stressed everytime we go anywhere so I usually start our adventures in a pretty crabby mood. Not only to I get to get myself ready, but the girls as well. David gets himself and his bag (if necessary) packed and then he's done. I'm left scrambling to get everything else ready. Ah well, he can't be great at everything right?

BIG Decision!

Over the past two weeks David and I have been trying to make a decision on where to go next with Kadence's treatment for scoliosis. It has been very stressful and very difficult.

Lets rewind to almost two weeks ago. It was a great Saturday afternoon and we received a letter in the mail from Shriners. As I opened it up, my heart sank. It was a letter telling us that we would now be responsible for all copays and deductibles and anything in excess of what our insurance pays. Well, this is a huge deal because our insurance doesn't cover ANYTHING done at Shriners. So basically we had to start thinking of what we could do. Since it was a Saturday we tried to push it out of our minds until Monday when we could call the number on the bottom of the letter to see what was going on. We hoped it was just a letter sent by accident or something....although we knew that wasn't the case. We were in a little denial.

Monday came quickly and I was in charge of making the call. I called and asked what we would do since our insurance doesn't cover any of the visits. The woman told me that they would try to work with us based on our income, but basically it was the same as any other hospital. You can get them to write off an amount and you pay the remaining balance. This was not good because Kadence's care costs well over $20,000 a year. We had no idea what to do.

I quickly got my mind brainstorming EVERY possibility. We could:

Stay at Shriners and try to pay- almost impossible

Stay for one last cast, then leave- meaning we would pay over $4,000

Go to Primary Childrens-We hated the Dr we had before

So with each one of these decisions also came other decisions. It was beyond stressful. When I called to get an appointment with Primary Childrens I mentioned that I didn't want the same Dr as before. Luckily there is one more Scoliosis Dr there so we could try him. I wanted to set up a consultation to try to help us make a good decision. Kadences back was too bad for them to really handle well, but that was 3 years ago and she has made some improvements since then. Unfortunately the soonest they could get us in was Nov. 3. This posed another problem because Kadence is growing out of her brace already and its starting to cause bruising. SO we were again faced with another decision. Do we wait until then and talk to the Dr....OR do we go get a brace from the orthotic company in the meantime and then go to the new Dr?

We decided on getting a new brace while we waited and then going to visit with the new Dr. The orthotic company explained they would need a prescription from Shriners stating that she was outgrowing her brace so they could get pre-authorization from our insurance. Oh goodness, this was becoming a headache!

David decided to call the care coordinator to ask for the prescription. He then explained why we would need to leave Shriners. Our care coordinator, Angie, said that we didn't have to leave. We could take a "means test" that would qualify us to still receive free care. WHAT?! We are days later, tons of prayers later, I got very little sleep for days and it could be back to normal?! Why didn't the other lady tell us that?! David did the means test over the phone and we are able to go to Shriners like nothing had happened before.

Great, right? NOPE. I immediately got a terrible feeling about going on with the casting as scheduled. During all our decision making we tried to weigh the pros and cons of every situation and in fact we were never listing getting a cast as a good thing. The past 3 casts have done the same exact thing and the brace she currently is in is holding her in a better spot than the last cast did. David and I had already decided that at her next casting we would ask the Dr if it was effective any more and if we could try going from brace to brace. Kadence has been super positive through all of this UNTIL this summer. She hates it and has a little bit of a hard time now. It is effecting her emotionally and mentally and we were told that would usually happen at 5 anyways. They try to make the smallest impact socially on the child so when it becomes a problem they stop casting. (We were just hoping we could go longer with her positive happy attitude.) I had received many blessings about the decision and basically one told me that David would be there to help me weigh the options and to give his input, but I would know what was the best thing for Kadence. (What a huge weight on my shoulders) They also said that I would feel calm and be confident in whatever decision I made.

Because I wasn't feeling calm or confident in resuming with Shriners as usual we decided not to. We called up the care coordinator and asked if we would be able to go from brace to brace there. She said she would ask Kadence's Dr's and let us know. After days of the Drs being in the OR all day, she finally caught up with them. Today we found out Kadence's Dr's gave the go ahead to go from brace to brace. HALLELUJAH! It is a decision I am very confident in, we have prayed about, and we are so comfortable with the staff that takes care of Kadence at Shriners.

Of course there could always be the need to go back to the castings, but we're going to try this out and see how it goes. Luckily the orthotics is inside of the hospital so they always do xrays the same day to make sure the brace is fitting in a way that is beneficial. I think that Shriners will keep a much better eye on her progress and help us make the best decision for her. Thank you all so much for your prayers and concern and most importantly your support and love. We couldn't do this without loving family and friends backing us up!

FUNNY GIRLS!

So Shelby has been struggling to poop....on the potty. Now she is so nervous about pooping her pants that she will sit on the toilet until I make her come off. (I made her clean herself up once and she did NOT like it) While she was sitting there tonight, she started investigating her body a little. She started yelling something at me so I went into the bathroom. We then had this conversation:

Shelby: MOM, it has a hole in it! (As she is touching herself to show me!)

Me: Honey that is so your pee can come out. It's your vagina. (OK, I know that it isn't her vagina, but I didn't know what else to call it.)

Shelby: My Bagina? I'm scared of Baginas!!!

Me: Honey it's ok, girls have vagina's and daddy has a penis.

Shelby: A Penis? I want to see it!

Me: No honey, you don't look at anyone else's naked body. Then I re-explained only Dr's, mom, dad, and herself can look at her naked body.

Shelby: I don't like Baginas. (She said this like she was so disgusted)

It was so hard not to laugh at her because she was really concerned, kind of freaked out, and VERY serious. Oh I'm so happy to have such a funny story to tell my future son in law!

Another hilarious thing happened tonight. Kadence was invited to a birthday party directly following school. I was a little nervous because Kadence needs a little rest time before doing anything because she is so exhausted when she gets home. I went over some party etiquette on the drive over. (Use your manners, don't throw fits, not everyone can win games, etc) She seemed like she was in a pretty good mood so I left her to have fun. When I went to pick her up the mom then apologized for traumatizing my child. I knew that there was nothing that she could have done to traumatize Kadence, but I was curious. She then explained that Kadence went to the bathroom and everyone went to open presents and sing Happy Birthday. She then realized that Kadence was still gone and went to find her in the bathroom....bawling. Their bathroom door sticks and Kadence couldn't get it open. She got stuck in the bathroom!!! HA HA HA! It makes me laugh so hard! She obviously wasn't too traumatized because she was so happy when I showed up. Even when she told us about the party she never once mentioned getting stuck in the bathroom. When I told her to tell daddy about getting stuck in the bathroom she said, "I got stuck and I freaked out!"

Its days like today that I'm so happy to be a mom because having kids makes your life so entertaining.

Friday Confessional

Oops, after weeks of remembering I forgot to post this yesterday. Better late than never I guess.

I CONFESS.....I am not a spontaneous person. It causes me anxiety if things aren't planned....and over planned. I have been making a big effort to try and realize things are sometimes more fun if they aren't planned. You get lost, stores might not even be open like you thought, and you are forced to make instant decisions sometimes. All of those things add to the excitement. When you plan things out you tend to get more frustrated when things don't go just right. I hope I can keep making an effort because the whole family has more fun when mom isn't stressing over things not going perfectly.

I CONFESS.....I am terrified of puke! It's an actual full blown phobia. I know that few, if any, are ok with vomit but mine is extreme. I can't function if someone in our house is sick....or someone I was around within a week get sick. It's ridiculous! I even have blacked out and almost passed out when our kids have gotten sick. I simply don't do well with it, but I am getting a tiny bit better. Kadence was sick last night and I didn't cover our entire house with Lysol. Usually I go through an entire big can in two days. I know I'm crazy, but I can't help it!

I CONFESS.....even though j miss the baby/toddler stages, I love the stage we're at now. We can go just about anywhere with our kids and 9/10 times they behave pretty well. When we promise them we'll go somewhere and something happens to where we can't, they understand and don't get too upset. They are fun to play with in a different way than a baby. Their imaginations are amazing and they come up with some hilarious scenarios. They explore in a different way and I love it. I'm not saying I wouldn't take another baby if one was offered to me, but I am realizing I'm happy with where we are currently. Our family has changed, but in a good way.

Things To Remember

So my kids say and do things that I think I will never forget, but I'm learning I will forget most of it. I occasionally write a bit of it down so here it goes!

As part of Kadences 'homework time' I have her spell words on the fridge with our magnet letters. Writing isnt her strong point so this makes it easier for her to keep going in an area she is great at. She's to the point she can spell most 2 and 3 letter words that have phonetic sounds. (run, ox, ten, fan, etc) While we were doing this the other day I asked her to try 'sand.' (We've started into 4 letters but it's a little tough) She got the S and the A put together and said the sounds to figure out what came next. "ssssssaaaaa.....MOM, we have a Sebastian at my school and he's NOT a crab!" I laughed so hard! We never finished spelling sand but at least I got a good laugh!

Today as I was getting Shelby ready for Preschool, she dropped to the floor, face down, hands behind her back and said 'Mom the Smurfs tied me up so I can't get ready for preschool!' it took some talking into but I finally talked the Smurfs into letting her go to school.

Tonight we talked with the girls about Temples and why they are so important. We will be visiting the Logan Temple tomorrow as a family to celebrate the anniversary of our sealing. It's a little difficult to explain to a 3 year old but I think they really started to understand. As we knelt for family prayer Kadence volunteered. She included 'Thank you for everyone who got sealed and for Shelby, me, mommy and daddy being sealed.' It was done without any prompting, and it made me so happy. I'm glad she's so grateful at such a young age.

We went on a walk around the neighborhood the other day and as we started up our hill Shelby asked, 'Are we going to the mountains?! I
want to go to the top of the mountains so I can catch scary spiders....and KILL them!' (That's my Shelby!)

Today when Barb dropped Kadence off after school she was very excited to show me a bug in a little plastic case. According to Kadence....It started out as a live bug that crawled on her and a girl in her class helped catch it. Then a boy that's not in her class gave her the plastic container to keep it in. As the day went on, the bug died. That didnt bother Kadence one bit! She just talked about her dead pet and showed many of the teachers at school. I feel bad that Barb had to admit she was related to the girl who was thrilled she had a dead pet! She showed everyone, took it out and asked people to touch it, and lost it a few times at home before we put a ban on taking it out of the case.

Not only did Kadence come home with a dead pet, but a stick in her pants! I asked David to take her brace off and as he pulled her pants down a stick came out! Now I'm not talking a wood chip from the playground, but a 5 or 6 inch stick!

I love my girls so much and I love the way they can make me laugh. I just can't get enough of my family. They mean so much to me and I am happy to have them forever!

As If Kindergarten Wasn't Bad Enough...

My BABY started Preschool today! Isn't there a rule about having such big milestones too close together? First Kindergarten and now preschool? Ugh, I don't like this part of being a mommy. Shelby has been super excited to start school and has waited as patient as she could the past week while Kadence was in school. Today was her turn! We set out her clothes last night and she was able to pick the new shirt of her choice. We had it all laid out....backpack and all. She was a little bit nervous but for the most part extremely excited. This morning she had a VERY hard time being patient. 11:30 couldn't have come fast enough for her. I took some pictures and we loaded into the car. As we were backing out of the driveway, this is how our conversation went:

Shelby: I'm not going to cry mom

Me: Oh good, that makes me happy

Shelby: And I don't want you to cry either because you have pictures.

Seriously? I just can't get enough of her! Here she is all ready to go!

Again, David finds any way possible to be there for the very first day of school. I love that he is such an amazing dad! (The sun was a little bright)
My friend Megan's son was able to get in to the preschool even though it didn't look like he was going to be able to. I was SO excited. Megan and I grew up together, our moms were super close, and so now I am looking forward to spending some 'mom time' with Megan and having our kids grow up together too.

Shelby came out happy, tired and full of stories. Unlike Kadence, she tells me all about her day. They read a story about Monsters. Happy monsters, sad monsters, scary monsters.....but the happy ones were her favorite. She was so excited about the foam visor she made and when we went outside she made sure to wear it. She is such a funny, interesting little girl and I am so happy she enjoys school.

Hard Stuff

I don't think that it is ever easy to lose somebody you love, but unfortunately it does happen. I keep wishing David could have met my brother, David, and my Grandpa Sartor. I also wish that I would have had the opportunity to meet Davids Grandpa Neal, Great Grandma Neal, and Grandma Joy. All of which he talks about often. I know they must have been amazing people, but I wish I could have sat down and had a conversation with them. I wish they could have watched David become a father and see how he's an amazing dad. I know they are super proud of him and all he has accomplished!

The hardest part for me is that I don't have tons of stories of my brother. I can't explain much to David because I was so little when he died. I know that he was really caring, and was an amazing big brother. He had an enormous heart. He was really smart, but didn't like school. He didn't attend school regularly and often was in trouble at school. I know he loved the outdoors. I know he loved all his siblings very much and took us all under his wing when my parents divorced. I remember camping with him, I remember him teaching me to head bang and having me demonstrate for his friends. I remember him eating toast with chili. I remember really odd things about him but not much. I try to teach the girls that they have an Uncle named David that lives with Heavenly Father, but they don't understand. We have taken them to his grave, and try to teach them but they don't quite get it. I don't have any pictures of him which is the worst part. I am a picture kind of person. I take pictures of EVERYTHING. Unfortunately 19 years ago pictures were taken here and there because things weren't digital and so it was expensive to take pictures and then who knows if they would even turn out. Especially because my family is good at cutting people out of pictures on accident. (Thank goodness for digital!) I wish I could remember my brother well enough to tell David all about him, but I just can't. I wish that I had pictures to hang in the girls rooms so they could grow up knowing they have another uncle, but I just can't. Unfortunately life is short, and we aren't able to keep everyone here forever.

Sorry for the sappy, depressing post......It's honest and vulnerable and how I have been feeling lately. Don't take life for granted, don't take time you have with those who mean the most to you for granted, and live each day remembering what REALLY matters. And lastly....take too many pictures regardless of who makes fun of you! :)

First Day of Kindergarten!

I can NOT believe my baby is old enough to go to Kindergarten! She has been so excited to go and I have been excited for her. The night before the big day she had added a little more stress to her already stressed out mommy. Her retainer of fake teeth that she has had for over a year started falling out. Really? The day before her elementary premiere her teeth have to fall out? She couldn't go to her first day without her front teeth. I was so freaked out! Luckily we have an amazing dentist who was able to sneak us in to the office in the morning so we could still get her to school on time. I wasn't thrilled that I had to get up even earlier, but at least my baby had all her teeth secure!

Here are the girls on our way out for our busy morning

She was seriously BEAMING with excitement on the way to the dentist
Dentist Cam got us back quick and re-cemented her retainer in. We can NOT say enough nice things about him so if you need a pediatric dentist let me know and I'll get you his info!

After the dentist we left for school. It was pretty busy so we parked a little bit away and walked....but not before pictures.

I look really awkward in this picture because I can't completely squat down to their level, but hey that's what happens when you break your knee. And yes, I DO indeed drop my kids off to school in my PJ's. I would whether I had a broken knee or not so don't judge me!

The best part of the first day of school for us is that no matter how difficult it is, David always finds a way to be there. He had another teacher watch his class so that he could be there for the all important first day of Kindergarten. I'm glad he knows how important it is that he be there and that he goes to great lengths to make sure he can be there to send them off on their big day.

She had a fantastic day and was VERY tired when I picked her up. Being at school all day will be an adjustment, but it will be great for her. Plus she happens to have one of the most amazing teachers EVER....her most favorite Aunt Barb! (Miss Joy)

Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I'm really really proud of my incredibly smart husband. He does so well in school. He recently lost his 4.0, but after 5 semesters he still has a 3.9 GPA. I just think it's amazing that he does so well considering he has a job and family as well. I'm hoping the girls got his brains because I'm not great at school. Proud of ya David, love you!

I CONFESS....I haven't really ever been crafty but I have been attempting it lately. Although I am not great, I am improving. Tasks others found easy used to be super hard for me but now I manage to get it done. Hopefully I will continue to get better because it really boosts my self esteem when I finish a project. It doesn't always look perfect....and to be honest sometimes it doesn't even look good....but it's mine and something I did myself.

I CONFESS....I have realized after a few posts whining that I don't have a super, great, amazing friend.....that I actually do. Not just one but a few. There are a few people that I can be 100% myself around and I know they won't go running for the hills. I'm grateful for their friendship and for them letting me into their lives and taking such great care of me and my family.

I CONFESS.....I love Halloween. It might be my favorite holiday. If not my favorite a close second to Christmas. I'm so happy that Shelby loves it as much as David and I do. It's not even all about the candy for her, she loves the spiders, witches, pumpkins, and of course 'Nightmare Before Christmas.' she went shopping for Halloween crafts with me and has helped me paint a few and she keeps insisting we finish them and display them. I tell her not for a while because it isn't Halloween time yet, but it's hard for me not to take her excitement and run with it. I can't wait until we can go to pumpkin walks, carve pumpkins, go to corn mazes, and dress our girls up in their costumes and take them trick-or-treating. I'm excited already!