Hard Stuff

I don't think that it is ever easy to lose somebody you love, but unfortunately it does happen. I keep wishing David could have met my brother, David, and my Grandpa Sartor. I also wish that I would have had the opportunity to meet Davids Grandpa Neal, Great Grandma Neal, and Grandma Joy. All of which he talks about often. I know they must have been amazing people, but I wish I could have sat down and had a conversation with them. I wish they could have watched David become a father and see how he's an amazing dad. I know they are super proud of him and all he has accomplished!

The hardest part for me is that I don't have tons of stories of my brother. I can't explain much to David because I was so little when he died. I know that he was really caring, and was an amazing big brother. He had an enormous heart. He was really smart, but didn't like school. He didn't attend school regularly and often was in trouble at school. I know he loved the outdoors. I know he loved all his siblings very much and took us all under his wing when my parents divorced. I remember camping with him, I remember him teaching me to head bang and having me demonstrate for his friends. I remember him eating toast with chili. I remember really odd things about him but not much. I try to teach the girls that they have an Uncle named David that lives with Heavenly Father, but they don't understand. We have taken them to his grave, and try to teach them but they don't quite get it. I don't have any pictures of him which is the worst part. I am a picture kind of person. I take pictures of EVERYTHING. Unfortunately 19 years ago pictures were taken here and there because things weren't digital and so it was expensive to take pictures and then who knows if they would even turn out. Especially because my family is good at cutting people out of pictures on accident. (Thank goodness for digital!) I wish I could remember my brother well enough to tell David all about him, but I just can't. I wish that I had pictures to hang in the girls rooms so they could grow up knowing they have another uncle, but I just can't. Unfortunately life is short, and we aren't able to keep everyone here forever.

Sorry for the sappy, depressing post......It's honest and vulnerable and how I have been feeling lately. Don't take life for granted, don't take time you have with those who mean the most to you for granted, and live each day remembering what REALLY matters. And lastly....take too many pictures regardless of who makes fun of you! :)