To give a little background, when David and I got pregnant we discussed if we would spank our children or not. We decided that we felt that we could discipline just fine without spanking but that some situations might need a spanking so that it was a bigger shock and they wouldn't EVER do that behavior again. For example, running in the street. We felt that because it could be very dangerous that to give the punishment a "little more" that we would spank them to get our point across. Well, years have past and we haven't ever seen that a spanking was necessary even in the situations we had before. Part of this was because our girls respond so incredibly well to us talking to them. We get on their level and sternly talk to them and explain why we are upset. This is usually followed by a time out and we yell in dangerous situations so that they hopefully remember not to do it again. I also have read many studies during my schooling that say kids actually stop listening once they are hurt so spanking in dangerous situations actually makes them more likely to repeat. This is because even if you explained why, they don't hear it because they are so caught up on the fact that you spanked them. So, for 6 1/2 years we haven't ever spanked our kids except for when we played. I am not saying that we judge those who do spank, because each parent gets to choose how to discipline their own children. What works for others doesn't work for us and vise verse.
Now on to the first EVER spanking in the Joy household. It was last Thursday and it was sweet little Kadence. More and more often Kadence gets very defiant with me. She is just simply rude. We have talked to her about it repeatedly and why it isn't ok. Thursday I had the girls by myself while David was at track. Kadence and Shelby went out to play and they broke my number one rule.....leaving a sister outside when you come inside. Kadence left Shelby out and came in. They both got grounded from going outside because this was a huge no-no in our house. They know about many of the things that could happen in just a few short seconds and that is why I make them stay together if they are out without an adult. Ok, this isn't where the spanking happened. After that we decided to finish Kadence's homework. It wasn't going well to say the least so I told her she needed to stop wasting my time and do her work the right way. She didn't and I sent her to time out. I left her there maybe 2 minutes before asking her if she was done wasting my time. She looked me stone cold in the face and said with much attitude "NO." Ok, my girls seriously don't ever tell me no. I know that most kids do, but not mine. I took a deep breath and said, "You know that when you are done wasting my time you can get out of time out, right?" She nodded and I left. Another 5 minutes passed and I asked her again if she was done wasting my time to which she had the same response. I told her she would be going to bed. I stood her up, swatted her butt and tucked her in. I then told her that I was done letting her be rude and disrespectful to her mom. Then I left. It gave me time to think about if I did it out of anger because to me that is the WRONG reason to spank. I didn't If I did it out of anger I would have spanked her days ago or at least the first time because I was plenty angry. I did it to try to let her know that I was no longer going to accept her behavior. My fingers didn't even sting. Time passed and I went and tried to talk to her. She cried, I cuddled and we moved on. She was ready to finish her homework and she did a great job. Then David got home. I explained what had happened while the girls played. I even told him that I've spanked her much harder while playing but you would have thought I used an object with the way she cried. He took her to her room and asked what happened. She told him "I was mean to mommy." He then asked what I did. Kadence then told him "She spanked me REALLY hard." David looked her straight in the face and told her "I would have spanked you harder." David doesn't put up with the girls disrespecting me very well. He tries to show them that they should respect me and I hope this teaches them to expect respect when they are older. I don't think Kadence was too traumatized, and oddly it didn't upset me as much as I thought it would. I hope that this is the only time anyone has to be spanked in our house though because I just don't see it as a great way for us to discipline our girls. They thrive more on positive reinforcement than they do the negative. I just figured I would blog our "first" even if it wasn't a glamorous or fun first.
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