Friday Confessional

I CONFESS...I love almost any kind of gummy or fruity candy. I like chocolate, but not often. I LOVE Skittles, Starburst, Twizzlers, Haribo Frogs, Gummy Worms, Gummy Bears, etc. I will eat candy any day, any time of day, for any meal. I love candy.

I CONFESS...I don't really like most baked goods. I will eat a cookie or slice of cake here and there, but I don't eat them often. I struggle because I like the smell of cooking cakes, cookies and brownies but I don't like eating them. I hate making such a mess just to get to smell it baking in the oven. I have however found a good way to justify it. Shelby LOVES being my "little chef" and helping me bake and I can share with my neighbors.

I CONFESS...I am slowly realizing that when David goes to San Diego this summer that the girls and I will most likely be left home. We need to save money so that I can continue college and to do so, we can't afford the cost of San Diego. I am TERRIFIED! David and I haven't ever spent a night apart other than when a child has been in the hospital. The girls ask for daddy all day long and I don't know how they will take it when he doesn't come home....for FOUR days. This just makes me so much more grateful of those who have spouses or family members in the military. I am such a big baby when it comes to David leaving us. What can I say, I love the guy!

I CONFESS...I hate that I have 9am church. How are we supposed to do Easter baskets? I have to wake the girls up in order to get them ready so I am NOT waking them up even earlier in order to go through their Easter baskets. It makes me not want to go to church....but how terrible would that be?! I know we need to go hear the messages on Easter Sunday and really its the least we can do. I need to remember the importance of the holiday rather than what the Easter Bunny has left. I feel terrible for even confessing wanting to miss church on Easter.

I CONFESS...I'm not really into Harry Potter, but I go to the midnight showings anyways. I like the excitement of seeing a movie at the opening show and I like spending time with David doing something fun that he likes. I have even let Kadence stay up for a late night book release party when we were living in Logan. I think we were out past midnight and we drew a little lightning bolt on her little forehead. It was a fun night and a fun little memory.

Kadence's First Homework Poster

I know this isn't a HUGE deal to most, but it is to me. Kadence had her first take home homework project. We could do the poster any way we liked. I asked her all her likes/dislikes and wrote them and I wrote her name. Everything else was her. She helped pick the pictures (I cut and glued them on) and she colored all the pictures. Some of the pictures weren't the greatest coloring job, but some of them were REALLY good for her. I was so proud that she was able to finish it without saying "I can't" a single time. It still makes me so grateful to see her doing things other kids her age are able to do. She's smart and on track and I'm so so grateful for that. This is what I have hoped and dreamed for since we were told she wouldn't ever be a normal functioning child. She's our little miracle and we remember how blessed we are daily.

Here's the top half

The bottom half

Here's the full poster

Our Coke Adventure

I try to find simple cheap things to do with my girls to keep them busy and get us all out of the house. We all get REALLY cranky when we are couped up all day. I saw that Weber State University was selling bottled Cokes for a nickel for a few hours at lunch time today and tomorrow. I figured that would be the perfect thing to get us out of the house. I thought we would be parking at the meters, but they were full. So we paid $1.50 to park in the pay lot so we could get our nickel Cokes. Oh well, the girls were so excited that they got to carry their OWN Cokes from the bookstore to the car. Our total adventure cost us $1.66. Ya giving kids Coke might not be what some parents call a wholesome drink, but my girls like it!

Kadence absolutely loves Coke and gets so excited when we let her choose her own drink for Happy Meals because she gets to choose Coke instead of Sprite.

Shelby usually picks Sprite every time, but she really enjoyed her Coke!

If anyone sees this and wants to go get a few cokes, the Bookstore will be doing it again tomorrow from 11:30 to 1:30.

Resurrection Rolls

We started doing Resurrection Rolls last year and will continue doing them every year. My girls LOVE them and so do I! I always forget all the symbolism so if you want you can head to http://homegrownmom.com/creating-family-times/resurrection-rolls-an-easy-easter-treat/1689 For the details. (Ya, I'm so awesome that I don't have any idea how to link over to another site.)

We have been talking to the girls about the last few days of Jesus' life since Sunday. They are really into it and ask a lot of questions. I went and got my picture of Jesus wearing the crown of thorns and showed it to them so they would understand it wasn't like a princess crown. They were both so sad. Shelby had her finger by her little eye (that's what she does when she's nervous or upset) the whole time and said, "Mommy, Jesus is crying....see his tear?" Then Kadence would just hold the picture in her lap almost like she was cradling Jesus and tell us how the mean people hit him LOTS and put thorns on his head....and it hurt him. She was very stuck on the part about the thorns. You could tell she was heartbroken. I almost felt like I should sugar coat it because they were getting so upset by the story. Then I realized it's a good thing for them to realize how much pain and suffering He went through for us.

Tonight we were able to talk about the happier part of the story and talk all about the Resurrection. The girls were very involved and excited about it. Uncle Jeff came over and did them with us too.

The girls wrapping Jesus in a sheet

Daddy putting Jesus in the tomb.


The girls stuffed animals and Jeff helped them guard the tomb.

I got in on it. (Notice how my family generally only gets dressed from the waist up)

Jesus is Risen! He is no longer in his sheet!

Shelby was kind of concerned about the fact that she KNEW she put the marshmallow in, and it wasn't there anymore. I'm so excited for the rest of the week when we color eggs, go on egg hunts, and the Easter Bunny comes but we always try to teach our girls the message behind the holiday.

Friday Confessional

I CONFESS....that I am really sad about the fact that Kadence's Kindergarten Round Up was last night. I don't feel old enough to have a Kindergartner, nor do I feel like she is old enough for Kindergarten. I guess I need to embrace the fact that she is smart, healthy, personable, and OLD ENOUGH for Kindergarten.

I CONFESS....that I have taken my own advice and have tried to be a better friend to those around me. It is working out well and even though it isn't the most comfortable thing in the world for me, it has been nice.

I CONFESS....that I have a new obsession and that is doTerra Essential Oils. I feel like sharing these fantastic oils with everyone because they are safer than drugs we take for everyday ailments. I am debating becoming a consultant, but fear that if I do it will turn into me pressuring people to buy the oils rather than just sharing because I care. I really DO care and would LOVE to share my personal experiences with the oils with you if you are interested or if you have a symptom that you are wondering if there's an oil that can help. Feel free to Facebook message me, or send me an email leanne_joy@comcast.net and I'd be happy to answer any questions. I can place an order for you if you are interested whether I'm a consultant or not.

I CONFESS....I am beginning to HATE pasta. I eat it way too often and it doesn't taste as good anymore.

I CONFESS....that I have feared failing college since before I even started. Now after 4 semesters I have actually and literally failed. I will be failing 2 classes out of 3 this semester and I am devastated. School doesn't come easily for me and so I have been terrified of this since I started. I barely made it through high school...ok, I actually didn't make it through high school. I had to take Adult Ed in order to graduate. The worst part of all of this is that now I will lose my financial aid. We can't afford to send me to school so unless we find a way to make it happen, my college career is over. I seriously am devastated...that's the only word that can describe my feelings. I wanted to set a good example for my girls and show them that getting an education is important, but now I can't. David keeps telling me that we'll figure it out, but we'll see what happens.

My Favorite Part Of The Day

I'm not a perfect mom, in fact I am FAR from it. I am also not the best example of an LDS mom to my girls. I'm not meaning, making five loaves of bread, doing 15 loads of laundry, and making first class meals. I mean that I don't always attend church regularly and I don't hold Family Home Evenings regularly. David and I did decide that something we needed to do everyday was family scripture and family prayer. We only read about a verse a night, but as our girls get older we will be able to increase it. The important part is that we make a habit of it while our kids are young. Every night after we make our last potty run, get our PJ's on, and brush teeth we start my favorite part of the whole day. David reads us a scripture, we kneel down to pray, and then I read the girls a story. On Sundays, I help the girls read the scriptures, and David reads the story. It is the one part of the day that is ABSOLUTELY perfect. Then we give hugs and kisses and take the girls to bed. We each take one and often rotate who takes who. (Lately they have both been wanting daddy to take them to bed.) When they are all snuggled in bed we sing them a song and kiss them goodnight. Kadence ALWAYS picks "I Am A Child Of God" and Shelby picks really random songs. Tonight, for instance, she asked me to sing a song about her "wild thing." Daddy read "Where The Wild Things Are" so she HAD to sleep with her wild thing stuffed animal. I then had to make up a song about her wild thing. No matter the song, and no matter what animal they choose to sleep with it is absolutely perfect. They both get this perfect, happy smile on their face as you leave and close the door. I know that I need to work on being a better example to them, but at least we have three VERY important things in our nighttime routine....Scripture, Prayer, and Story. I sure do love them and hope they let us tuck them in and sing to them FOREVER!

DoTerra Essential Oils

Last night I went to a class that taught about the benefits and science of Essential Oils. I went not to become a believer, but to support a friend. I thought there was NO WAY in the world this could be serious. I figured it was like "Magic Elixirs" like on Sweeney Todd. I went in with a bad attitude and actually came out a believer. After listening to the way it touched their lives I couldn't help but believe. These were friends of mine and friends of my friend. I figure one of them might lie to me, but to have so many positive stories? I was convinced. I actually have been praying for quite some time that I can find relief for my anxiety. I have severe anxiety and the only thing that seems to help is xanax. Problem is, I don't function well and can't take care of my kids when on it so I just try to cope the best I can. I have had countless blessings during severe anxiety attacks and they usually say that I will know what to do, or I will know how to find relief. I can't help but think this might actually be an answer to my prayers. One lady had extreme anxiety and actually hasn't even been on medication for years now thanks to the Essential Oils. I wasn't going to be able to make this class because David had a college class to attend. Late in the afternoon he was kind of puzzled when he realized that his class would be online this week. Divine intervention....I think so, I HOPE so. I struggled at first with the cost of the oils. The kit of 10 oils is $170 after tax. Then I realized that I have always said I would do ANYTHING and pay anything to find relief. Our copays are $40 each so it adds up quickly. I figured that it is worth a try. The oils can help almost everything: Earaches, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, Fevers, Infections, Bacterial Infections, Warts, Insomnia, Colds/Flu, etc. You name it, there's probably an oil that can help. I am really hoping that this is an answer to my prayers. I am hoping that this will finally give me the relief I have been seeking. I know that if my anxiety is cut down that I will be a much better mother and wife. We will also be using the oils on Kadence for her asthma and David for his extreme fatigue. I am hoping we get great results. I got a sample of the "breathe" oil last night and tried it on my girls. They both cough all night long. It is a lingering cough from a cold a while back, but it seriously keeps me up all night. We put it on them before bed and an hour later, I realized they hadn't been coughing. The coughing is the worst for them when they aren't fully asleep, but aren't fully awake so this is usually the worst time for them. I was made an instant 'hopeful' and I am hoping to become a believer soon. I am hoping that we will be able to start substituting our over the counter drugs with these all natural oils. It just seems safer to me than the chemical drugs everyone rushes to for the slightest ache or pain. Don't get me wrong, I will still take my girls to the Dr and will continue to use inahlers...but this will be an addition to our wellness plan.

My Best Friend

I am somewhat mourning the loss of a friend....who is still alive. This person has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. She has been there with me through a lot. Our whole friendship is a giant inside joke. I have been in denial for a while that I'm not as important to her as she is (and always will be) to me. I love her dearly no matter where life takes her. I ignored the fact that my best friend wasn't there during my miscarriages, for my bridal shower, when I was in the hospital, when my baby was on life support, when I had my babies, when my grandma died, etc. I always made an excuse as to why she didn't come. (Not that it made it hurt any less) I realize I have missed just as many tough times in her life, but it wasn't because I didn't try. I have visited her at her house a few times, I tried to get in better touch with her after she entered rehab, I have tried sending messages, but they often go without a response. I don't care what she is doing as long as it makes her 100% happy. That's all I want for her. I'm beginning to realize that, at least for now, 100% happy means life without me. I have REALLY been struggling lately as I have come to realize and try to accept the fact that we just aren't the same "best friends." I have avoided making friends because I know that nobody can take her place. Nobody will remember shaving our legs with peanut butter, taking baths together, trying to pierce our belly buttons with a safety pin, making a "house" under the kitchen table, chasing cars in front of our house, making our own lotions, trying to tattoo ourselves...again with a safety pin. Nobody knows how to make nachos out of Doritos perfectly like her, how to make frosting for graham crackers, and the perfect cheese ratio for crackers and cheese. I still remember the day she found a positive pregnancy in her moms garbage which resulted in her little sister, holding her sister for the first time and thinking we would be the BEST big sisters ever. Everyone knew that if they wanted one of us to babysit, we would both be coming. We were there for each other for cheer tryouts and dance competitions. We both knew how bad her brothers soccer gloves would smell after a game. We even had sex for the first time the same week. We have made Sunday School and YW leaders cry (which now I feel bad for), neighbors dislike us, people in stores stare, and lots of people laugh. Nobody will understand the midnight Slurpee runs, Quarter pops, Wendys runs, our love for Otter Pops, Chicken Soft Taco runs, and chasing down the Ice Cream Man like her. I now have to face the hard reality that she is no longer needing me and has moved on, problem is...I still need her. After finding out through her ex boyfriend that he saw she was engaged...on facebook I realized I was no longer a priority to her. When I told her how much that sucked to find out in such a way she told me that they hadn't really told many people yet. Really? I think once you decide to post it on facebook you have decided to tell EVERYONE. I always had dreams of us growing old together and remain constant friends. I will never give up on her and will always be there for her at the drop of a dime. She is the one person I will drop everything for...even my family. (David knows and understands) I now have to face the reality that I need to put myself out there and make a new friend. This will be hard because nobody will ever replace her. I need a friend who won't judge me...NO MATTER WHAT I do or don't do. I need to feel totally comfortable. They need to be unjudgemental. They need to be able to come over when my house is in shambles, the girls aren't dressed, and I don't even have a bra on and not bat an eyelash. I need someone who I can be me around. Someone I don't have to prove myself to or try to impress. This is my little vent about the sadness and heartache I have been feeling the past little while. My heart aches and I hope that it's only a temporary loss of a best friend.

Funny Things My Kids Say...

Ok, I am always so afraid that I won't remember the funny things my kids say, so here are a few more:

Kadence came out of preschool and has this conversation with me:

Kadence: Mom we're going to the zoo!!

Me: I know, that is going to be SO fun!

Kadence: Don't freak mom ok?

Me: Why would I freak?

Kadence: You can just stay home and sweep and vacuum and sew.

Me: *Puzzled*

I was sitting in the living room and I hear Shelby say, "HUH....How did that come out" while in the bathroom. I immediately ran in the bathroom thinking she broke something and realized it was just because she pooped.

A conversation David and Kadence had while getting ready for bed:

Kadence: When I was in moms belly was she fat?

David: She wasn't fat, but she did have a big belly.

Kadence: I flew out on an airplane....I made it out of oranges!

What?!! Where in the world did she come up with that?!

Friday Confessional....On Saturday

Sorry, I was too busy enjoying the great weather yesterday that I didn't have time for a Friday Confessional. Here it is a day late.

I CONFESS....I eat spaghetti about 5 times a week. I don't even like it that much, but we end up eating it for lunch about 3 times and dinner twice EVERY week. Shell pasta (Ariel Seashells) are my main food group. It's pretty much the only thing Shelby will eat. I eat it with sauce sometimes, but usually its just butter. If I get REAL crazy I might put on some Parmesan cheese. It kind of grosses me out to realize how often I eat it. Good thing I'm not on the Atkins Diet!!

I CONFESS...I'm addicted to Ellen. I watch EVERY show. I think she is a genuinely good person who does so much for those in need. She raises so much money and awareness for problems and I love it. Not to mention she is pretty dang funny too. I find myself referring to her in everyday conversations with people so I am now officially an addict.

I CONFESS...I hate when people say I'm skinny. I know that sounds weird and there may be some of you who want to punch me in the face right now, but I absolutely hate it. It has given me such issues. All I have ever been referred is skinny, little, lightweight, tiny, etc. I feel I don't have an identity if I don't stay tiny. I knew that having children would make me feel bad about myself because in my head I NEED to be that "skinny girl" that everyone knows me as. I made David promise me a tummy tuck because I knew that I wouldn't like what I saw in the mirror after having kids. I am so excited for the day that we have enough money to do that. All I have ever known myself to be is skinny...it seems to be the only label that has ever stuck. I haven't ever been known as the "good wife", "good friend", "good mom", "crafty", "sporty", "fashionable"....it's just been SKINNY and LITTLE. So now that I am not AS skinny I don't feel like I know who I am. Don't worry, I am not going to develop an eating disorder, or have unhealthy eating habits....other than the fact that I eat like crap. I am actually very happy with the number on the scale, but I just don't feel like the same person because now I am "Normal." I have always been underweight and now I am finally NORMAL. I wish people would stop referring to me as skinny or tiny because well....I now am just an average, normal, 5'3" momma!

I CONFESS....I constantly have the TV on in my house. It's horrible, I know. My girls aren't even watching it most of the time. They play and play and ignore the TV, but when they are going between activities the will sit for about 10 minutes and watch...and then right back to playing. I don't even think I will change it any time soon. I have turned the TV off to see if they get upset and they haven't ever gotten upset by it. I think that when they do we will definitely have to limit the amount of TV they watch because then it's obviously too much. We do puzzles, play barbies, read stories, pretend to be princesses, play house, build forts, but all the while the TV is on in the background. I do love the Spring because we spend TONS of time outside WITHOUT any TV. I love to watch them run around outside and enjoy all of the little things we seem to forget as adults. For example, when was the last time you noticed an individual ant in the middle of the sidewalk, the way the trees move in the wind, the fact that the sky is "up high" and is blue, the way the clouds look, the fact you can see the moon in the daytime, the way the sunset makes the mountains a different color, leaves, rocks, sticks, bugs, flower buds, etc. I LOVE my kids and the childlike perspective they have taught me to have. Nature is beautiful and I am so excited to get out and enjoy!! As for the next few rainy days, we will be spending them inside.....with our TV on.

I CONFESS...I am a paranoid mommy and am nervous to send Kadence on her very first mom free field trip. I know she'll be totally fine, but I can't seem to shake all the "what ifs" from my mind. Her preschool is going to the Zoo this Wednesday and her favorite part is that they will be riding in a bus. She has been waiting for years to ride in a yellow bus. I am just worried although I know that she'll come back in one piece and she'll have had an amazing time. So Wednesday I will be freaking out on the inside while she has the time of her life at the zoo. At least this will make it easier for me to send Shelby next year.